"Happy Valentine's Day Maddie," I said softly as I leaned over and kissed my wife of forty-nine years. Maddie was oblivious. Morphine did that to a person, morphine and the last stages of cancer.
"And Happy Anniversary," I added, kissing her again. I couldn't stop the tear from falling and landing on her cheek. I wiped it, but another took its place.
"I put your roses on the credenza near the window," I said, sitting in the chair I'd come to think of my own over the last month. It only seemed fair since I spent the bulk of that time sitting in it and watching my wife slowly die. "I tried to arrange them, but you know how bad I am at that."
I always bought Maddie two-dozen roses on Valentines Day. One dozen red because of the holiday and one dozen yellow for our anniversary. Maddie used to smile warmly and spend hours arranging them to perfection. I would have given every last dime I had to see that smile one more time.
"Kyle and Danny send their love," I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Danny is away on business and Kyle, well you know Kyle."
Both of our sons had grown into fine men. Kyle was the oldest and had a family of his own. Daniel was too busy conquering the world for a family. I worried about Danny being alone, but he had a good head on his shoulders.
Kyle was very close to his mother. He couldn't accept that she was dying despite Maddie's three-year battle with cancer. The truth was that it was a miracle she lasted this long. There was little I could do for him, but his wife Beth and children would help him through it when the time came.
I on the other hand, knew and accepted my wife's pending death. I didn't really have a choice, not after watching her decline these last few months. My problem was that I just didn't want to live without her.
"Good morning," a nurse I didn't know said as she walked in. "My name is Elli and I'm covering for Sandra today." She seemed vaguely familiar, but the name wasn't one I knew.
"John Hutchens," I said, offering my hand as I fought to regain control from my maudlin thoughts. She took my hand, but instead of shaking it, she squeezed it, letting me know she understood.
"What beautiful roses!" Elli said a moment later as she checked my Maddie's medicine and stats. "I'm sure the red ones are for Valentine's Day, but why the yellow?"
"Our anniversary," I answered in monotone. "Yellow roses are her favorite."
"How many years have you been married?" Elli asked. I frowned. She was a lot more inquisitive than Sandra.
"Forty-nine years today," I replied, and then added sadly, "Maddie wanted a big party on our fiftieth. She used to say that was why she fought so hard against the cancer."
Elli smiled sadly and nodded. I didn't need her to tell me that Maddie wouldn't live that long. My wife was only days away from dying, maybe hours. She had been for nearly a month.
"It sounds like Valentine's Day is very special to you both," Elli said gently. "Maybe she fought so hard these last weeks because she wanted to share one more with you."
"Maybe," I shrugged, but then nodded sadly and added, "It would be just like her. She saved all the important things for Valentine's Day."
"Really? Like what?" Elli asked. She was done checking on Maddie, but Elli didn't seem to be in a rush to leave. That was different too. Sandra or whoever else was covering Maddie's room never stayed very long.
"Well," I replied, smiling for the first time in a long time. "I learned about the pending births of all three of my children on Valentine's Day. It was funny with my youngest Danny because Maddie was nearly four months along. I knew she was pregnant with him almost from the beginning, but I let her tell me when she was ready."
"How old are your children?" Elli asked, making conversation. I knew it was a kindness. She must have seen my tears when she walked in.
"Kyle is forty-five," I replied. "And Daniel is thirty-five."
"And your third child?" she prompted.
"Elizabeth would be forty this year," I answered, losing my smile. "She died in a car crash when she was seventeen."
"I'm sorry," Elli said gently. I shrugged.
"It was a long time ago."
"So, what made Valentine's Day so special to Maddie?" the nurse asked, actually sitting down in the room's spare chair.
"Well," I said. "Part of that's my fault and part of it was fate."
"Fate?" she asked.
"We met, had our first kiss and were married on Valentine's Day," I smiled.
"I hope not all the same year!" Elli laughed.
"Actually, none of them happened the same year," I grinned. "It was ten years to the day I met her that we got married."
"And your first kiss and date?" she asked.
"Oh, that's a long story," I sighed.
"I have time," she replied confidently.
"What about your other patients?" I asked.
"The hall is pretty quiet today," she replied. "The other nurses will come and get me if they need me."
"You're being very kind, but it's not necessary," I said. "You don't have to sit hear and listen to an old man ramble on."
"I don't plan to," she smiled. "Maybe it's the holiday, but whatever the reason, I'm in the mood for a good love story and it sounds like you have one to tell."
"I'm not sure I want to share it," I said honestly after a brief hesitation.
"I know," Elli said cryptically. "But you need to. It will help you remember Maddie as she should be remembered, not like this."
"Are you studying psychology?" I frowned.
"Hardly!" Elli laughed. "Like I said, I just like a great love story."
"I don't know how great it is," I shrugged. "But it is very much a love story."
"Then tell me, please?" she asked again. I surprised myself by smiling and nodding.
"I haven't thought about how Maddie and I met and fell in love in quite a while," I began, but then grimaced and admitted, "Or should I say that I haven't let myself remember?"
"It doesn't matter," Elli said. "You're remembering now and that's all that counts."
***
"Come on mom!" I cried. "It's an upperclassman dance and I'm one of the few sophomores who got asked to go!"
"I'm sorry John," my mother replied. "But it's your cousin's wedding and we already responded that you were coming with us."
"What kind of sap gets married on Valentine's Day!" I snapped angrily.
"Your cousin Thomas," my mother replied. I could tell there was no point in arguing with my mother. It was her brother's son getting married.
"Dad, you understand?" I asked, turning to him. "Shelly Bonia asked me to go with her and she's a senior. If I don't go, she'll never speak to me again!"
"And Happy Anniversary," I added, kissing her again. I couldn't stop the tear from falling and landing on her cheek. I wiped it, but another took its place.
"I put your roses on the credenza near the window," I said, sitting in the chair I'd come to think of my own over the last month. It only seemed fair since I spent the bulk of that time sitting in it and watching my wife slowly die. "I tried to arrange them, but you know how bad I am at that."
I always bought Maddie two-dozen roses on Valentines Day. One dozen red because of the holiday and one dozen yellow for our anniversary. Maddie used to smile warmly and spend hours arranging them to perfection. I would have given every last dime I had to see that smile one more time.
"Kyle and Danny send their love," I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Danny is away on business and Kyle, well you know Kyle."
Both of our sons had grown into fine men. Kyle was the oldest and had a family of his own. Daniel was too busy conquering the world for a family. I worried about Danny being alone, but he had a good head on his shoulders.
Kyle was very close to his mother. He couldn't accept that she was dying despite Maddie's three-year battle with cancer. The truth was that it was a miracle she lasted this long. There was little I could do for him, but his wife Beth and children would help him through it when the time came.
I on the other hand, knew and accepted my wife's pending death. I didn't really have a choice, not after watching her decline these last few months. My problem was that I just didn't want to live without her.
"Good morning," a nurse I didn't know said as she walked in. "My name is Elli and I'm covering for Sandra today." She seemed vaguely familiar, but the name wasn't one I knew.
"John Hutchens," I said, offering my hand as I fought to regain control from my maudlin thoughts. She took my hand, but instead of shaking it, she squeezed it, letting me know she understood.
"What beautiful roses!" Elli said a moment later as she checked my Maddie's medicine and stats. "I'm sure the red ones are for Valentine's Day, but why the yellow?"
"Our anniversary," I answered in monotone. "Yellow roses are her favorite."
"How many years have you been married?" Elli asked. I frowned. She was a lot more inquisitive than Sandra.
"Forty-nine years today," I replied, and then added sadly, "Maddie wanted a big party on our fiftieth. She used to say that was why she fought so hard against the cancer."
Elli smiled sadly and nodded. I didn't need her to tell me that Maddie wouldn't live that long. My wife was only days away from dying, maybe hours. She had been for nearly a month.
"It sounds like Valentine's Day is very special to you both," Elli said gently. "Maybe she fought so hard these last weeks because she wanted to share one more with you."
"Maybe," I shrugged, but then nodded sadly and added, "It would be just like her. She saved all the important things for Valentine's Day."
"Really? Like what?" Elli asked. She was done checking on Maddie, but Elli didn't seem to be in a rush to leave. That was different too. Sandra or whoever else was covering Maddie's room never stayed very long.
"Well," I replied, smiling for the first time in a long time. "I learned about the pending births of all three of my children on Valentine's Day. It was funny with my youngest Danny because Maddie was nearly four months along. I knew she was pregnant with him almost from the beginning, but I let her tell me when she was ready."
"How old are your children?" Elli asked, making conversation. I knew it was a kindness. She must have seen my tears when she walked in.
"Kyle is forty-five," I replied. "And Daniel is thirty-five."
"And your third child?" she prompted.
"Elizabeth would be forty this year," I answered, losing my smile. "She died in a car crash when she was seventeen."
"I'm sorry," Elli said gently. I shrugged.
"It was a long time ago."
"So, what made Valentine's Day so special to Maddie?" the nurse asked, actually sitting down in the room's spare chair.
"Well," I said. "Part of that's my fault and part of it was fate."
"Fate?" she asked.
"We met, had our first kiss and were married on Valentine's Day," I smiled.
"I hope not all the same year!" Elli laughed.
"Actually, none of them happened the same year," I grinned. "It was ten years to the day I met her that we got married."
"And your first kiss and date?" she asked.
"Oh, that's a long story," I sighed.
"I have time," she replied confidently.
"What about your other patients?" I asked.
"The hall is pretty quiet today," she replied. "The other nurses will come and get me if they need me."
"You're being very kind, but it's not necessary," I said. "You don't have to sit hear and listen to an old man ramble on."
"I don't plan to," she smiled. "Maybe it's the holiday, but whatever the reason, I'm in the mood for a good love story and it sounds like you have one to tell."
"I'm not sure I want to share it," I said honestly after a brief hesitation.
"I know," Elli said cryptically. "But you need to. It will help you remember Maddie as she should be remembered, not like this."
"Are you studying psychology?" I frowned.
"Hardly!" Elli laughed. "Like I said, I just like a great love story."
"I don't know how great it is," I shrugged. "But it is very much a love story."
"Then tell me, please?" she asked again. I surprised myself by smiling and nodding.
"I haven't thought about how Maddie and I met and fell in love in quite a while," I began, but then grimaced and admitted, "Or should I say that I haven't let myself remember?"
"It doesn't matter," Elli said. "You're remembering now and that's all that counts."
***
"Come on mom!" I cried. "It's an upperclassman dance and I'm one of the few sophomores who got asked to go!"
"I'm sorry John," my mother replied. "But it's your cousin's wedding and we already responded that you were coming with us."
"What kind of sap gets married on Valentine's Day!" I snapped angrily.
"Your cousin Thomas," my mother replied. I could tell there was no point in arguing with my mother. It was her brother's son getting married.
"Dad, you understand?" I asked, turning to him. "Shelly Bonia asked me to go with her and she's a senior. If I don't go, she'll never speak to me again!"
No comments:
Post a Comment