Wrong From Right byKuroshioX©

I know I'm wrong for this. Dead wrong. I know there isn't any mitigating circumstance or proper context that would make what I'm about to do right. I know and I don't care. This isn't me, I'm not this kind of person, but I'm not a saint either; you can only push me so far before I reach my breaking point. My rationale, as thin as it might be, is that Alessandra hurt me. She hurt me, so I want to hurt her in exchange. And I know an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, but like I said before: I don't care. And that's why I'm in an upstairs bedroom with the lights off and the floor thumping to the bass of the party down below. It's also why I'm on my knees and not alone. 

But just to be completely clear: Alessandra made a mistake and that's the only reason I'm in this position. I'm not some kind of manipulative evil mastermind; I just saw an opportunity and moved to capitalize on it. Maybe I'll look back on this with shame and regret one day. Maybe I'll be the better person one day. 

Today, however, is not that day. 

- 

She showed up to the party, sans boyfriend, with a few of her friends and already a little bit tipsy from pre-drinking. Alessandra naturally made quite the entrance, shrieking as she ran into other friends, snapping selfies and keeping a tall drink in her hand at all times. I noticed her walk in and ignored her, no reason to cause a scene, right? So she managed to get the first shot in with a snide remark about my weight when she saw me bent over getting a drink. And of course her bitches' coven tittered right along with her while I burned with embarrassment. 

I hadn't always hated her, but I'd never actually liked her either. Our relations had started off distantly cordial and had gone downhill like a Jamaican bobsled team, mostly due to her max diva personality not being able to stand the sight of someone... perfectly average...? I didn't understand it. It would have at least made sense if I was some kind of threat to her social position but we moved in wholly different circles; she was the queen bee on campus, the biggest fish in a small pond, whereas I was just a struggling student; juggling full-time classes with part-time work and (almost) no-time for myself. 

Still, I knew there was a non-zero chance of seeing Alessandra at the party, but until she actually mentioned my ass I hadn't given any thought to what I might say to her. Instead I stood there and burned with helpless fury; unable to come up with a suitable comeback and unwilling to start a brawl. My face was hot, the back of my teeth hurt and my stomach was churning. It wasn't a very good feeling. 

With my buzz thoroughly ruined, I stormed out of the kitchen and sat on the stairs, scrunched up and alone; stewing in my juices for the better part of an hour. It must've shown on my face, because no guys approached me in that whole time - which is probably some kind of record - and even my friends mostly steered clear. As the minutes ticked by though, I slowly regained my composure and stood, stretching a bit before heading back to the kitchen where the coolers were. As I rounded the corner, I saw an intriguing spectacle unfolding before me: a very drunk Alessandra arguing with her positively sober boyfriend, Donnie, about her recent alcohol intake. Donnie was trying to be calm and reasonable, but Alessandra was more interested in breaking noise ordinances with her voice and informing Donnie he was not, in fact, her father. 

The show didn't last too long. Donnie realized Alessandra wasn't interested in his concern and Alessandra was quickly pulled away by her gaggle of harpies. As the two partied company, I saw an opportunity and took it, smoothly approaching from side and offering him a (non-alcoholic) drink, "Bad night out, huh?" 

He ignored the drink, pursing his lips and shaking his head in reply. I raised the cup a little higher, "It's just a Coke, straight. Don't worry; I know you probably drove here." 

Donnie eyed the drink suspiciously before taking it gently and taking a gulp, "Thanks, uh..." 

I saw my chance and poured on the charm with a smile, "Jessica, but I prefer Jess. I take a few classes with Alessandra." 

One of his eyebrows lifted and he went to take another gulp as he asked, "So you're friends?" 

"We talk sometimes," I answered, giving a small shrug. Telling the truth is always the best way to lie. 

Donnie took the cup to his lips and drank, non-verbal acknowledgement. I smiled more broadly and let nature take its course from there. 

- 

Alessandra's boyfriend isn't a horrible guy by any stretch, but he's not especially my type either. And I am definitely not his. The guys I'm into like girls with a little extra meat - and I'm not talking about weight - while Donnie said, somewhat obliquely, he likes his girls extra-girly, hence Alessandra. That's fine with me, everyone is allowed their preferences, but I'm not the type to chase the unobtainable. I actually feel sort of bad for him: he isn't the kind of guy to normally do this sort of thing and I'm pretty sure he's going to regret it. But right now, it doesn't matter one bit. He's just a means to an end. 

- 

We probably talked for a good two hours, but it honestly didn't take too much convincing to get him upstairs into the darkened bedroom. Most of the time prior I was just in the holding pattern, occasionally running upstairs to use the bathroom and check that things were going to plan, while breaking things up dancing and other flirtatious behavior to put Donnie in the right frame of mind. By time all the pieces were in place, Donnie was practically eating out of my palm and so I leaned in close on the dance floor, whispered in his ear and led him up stairs. 

And so here we are: me on my knees, him swaying unsteadily with his pants around his ankles. There isn't much to make out much in the darkness, but his manhood is in my hands, thick and warm. I lean forward and lick along the top, sliding my wet tongue all the way back to his stomach while wrapping three fingers around his limp shaft. Listening for his change in breathing and squeezing my fingers tighter, I lick his belly button. But then something really important pops into mind, "Make sure you say something before you cum." 

The only sound is a disinterested grunt, so I repeat myself, "For real. Don't cum without telling me." 

"Alright," his voice is a whisper, but I hear the excitement behind it and decide to spare him any real teasing. Leaning down and taking his dick between my lips, I enclose his rock-hard length with my wet and willing mouth. At first I focus on the glans - dragging my lips back and forth and bringing a pleased grunt of out him - but after a few seconds his entire flaccid length slides into my mouth. I reach around his waist and cup his butt; kneading his skin while my tongue does all the work. It's nothing to deepthroat a semi-limp dick, but feeling a cock grow inside your mouth? 

That's a whole different ballgame. 

And Donnie agrees with me, "Oh, yeah, that's good. Hold it right there," as I moan around him, steadily working his dick with my tongue while my lips are pressed up against his stomach and ball sack. He lets out a pent-up sigh and I feel him twitch in the back of my throat. It almost makes me gag, but I relax my muscles and let him get a little harder in my mouth, his cock forced to an unnatural downward curve by the shape of my throat. Still, I keep my mouth pressed up against him, pulling him deeper with my hands as I feel inch after inch slide down past my tongue. A thick slime is falling from my lips, rolling down my chin and wetting his balls. I look up into his eyes - barely visible in the darkness - and press my lips against his skin harder. With every heartbeat, my throat feels fuller, his cock growing bigger in pulses, the constricted muscles of my oral fuckhole massaging his shaft. It isn't long before I take my last gulp of air, his thickness filling my mouth with each passing second. 

With my eyes watering, I keep a firm hold of his ass, as much to prevent myself from pulling away as it is for stability, holding my head in place. Tears are running down my cheeks and my vision is blurring, but I want to see this through, to prove to myself I can handle it. Donnie, for his part, does well not to grab my hair or push my head, either of which would give a serious risk of causing me to gag uncontrollably. Instead he goes from holding his hands at his sides, balling his fists spasmodically, to placing them on my shoulders, allowing me to do my thing with minimal interference and the occasional sigh, grunt, moan or word of encouragement. I'm thankful for that and reward him by slathering my tongue all over his goop-coated balls, working them over enthusiastically even as I feel myself running out of air. 

Fortunately, he's stopped growing, a full erection crammed awkwardly halfway down my throat tight - like a flower snaking its roots through cracks in the concrete. As my vision tunnels from the lack of oxygen I deliberately let my control of my gag reflex slip, my throat muscles clenching around him severely. As I expected, Donnie gives a stunted cry through gritted teeth and I steadily back off him, letting go of his ass, posting my hands to the floor to keep myself upright. It feels like I swallowed a longsword by time his erection pops from between my lips, bounding upwards and sending a thread of thick throatslime flying onto my face as it goes. 

As his member evacuates my throat, I cough a few times, one hand cupped near my mouth, the other reaching out to stroke Donnie's dripping wet dick while I get myself under control. While my strokes are firm but gentle, the coughing is definitely not, briefly rising to a crescendo before I finally hack up enough liquid to satisfy my body's demand for a clear airway. Then I pant loudly, gulping down air as my head clears, "...sorry about that. You're pretty fucking big, you know?" 

That's actually a lie; Donnie is around average. But I figure it can't hurt to flatter a guy once you're on your knees for him. 

He nods, "It's cool... I didn't think you'd do that. I didn't think you could do that," a note of amazement in his voice. 

"There are a lot of things you don't know I can do," I respond, trying to keep my voice husky rather than hoarse. 

He puts his hand on the back of my head - not pulling me forward, just holding it - and asks, "Yeah? Like what?" 

I smile and put a leg up, getting on one knee and letting my skirt ride higher along my thighs as I stroke his glistening dick. Even in the dim lighting, the wetness reflected off his dick, accentuating the size and curve of his dick. It is a huge turn-on, especially when taken along with my persistent light-headedness and the raw feeling in my throat from deepthroating. All that leads to quite the situation in my panties and I go to solve it by moving my free hand from the floor and under my skirt, yanking the soft material to the side and pulling my own stiff meat free. 

She springs up happily, tenting the hemline of my skirt as she pokes out from underneath. I quickly enclose my hand around her, grabbing the base tight enough to expand her head and cause her sisters to tighten up in anticipation. My heartbeat pulses through her and I slowly crank downward while looking at Donnie's wet package. She appreciates the view: the sight of a heavy, glistening dick is just as exciting to her as it is to me. I lick my lips and lean forward to satisfy my desire to be orally tested. 

Unfortunately, not all things mean the same to all people. Donnie catches a glance of what I am doing and pulls back, hand on my shoulder holding me only a few inches away from sucking his juicy prick, "Hey, uh-uh-uhhh... Jennifer?" 

"Jessica," I say, correcting him as gently as possible. 

"Right, Jess... uh, I'm not really into that whole dickgirl thing... y'know?" 

Oh right, I'd forgotten, Donnie likes 'em real girly and hold the extra meat. Slightly disappointed, I slip her back up under my skirt and tuck her into my waistband to keep her nice and discreet. She protests mightily, creating a wet spot by spitting precum on my skirt, but there is no way Donnie can see that. I ignore her neediness and insistence and get back to Donnie. 

To distract myself, I lean forward and run my tongue along his skin, from the bottom of his balls, stopping to swirl it around the hyper-sensitive base of his cock before running up and down, getting up to the crown and then going back down to his balls again, repeating the act over and over. He twitches under my tongue. Donnie starts breathing heavy and I take his balls in my hand, gently juggling them as I trail my tongue up his length one last time and start making out with his cock. 

"Ho-hoooo-oooh shit, OK Jenn, I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum!" 

My lips tighten around the head of his dick, smearing my tongue all over as I acknowledge him, "Mmmm-hmmm!" 

His hands grip my shoulders like they are hanging from a rock-face five hundred feet above the ground, but I ignore the pain and give one last bob of the head, slurping half his length and stroking him into my mouth with both hands. Predictably enough, he cums as my lips back off his length. His hot, bitter load coats my tongue and flies to the back of my throat. I gag and sputter it back up, just in time for another shot to hit the back of my throat and induce an even more powerful sputter, one that causes cum to shoot out of one of my nostrils. 

That's a bit more than I'm prepared to handle and provides the perfect segue for the next part of my plan: getting up off my knees and running into the bathroom. I clamp my mouth shut, riding out the coughing fit without spitting, then turning on the water and gently splashing my face. I look horrible: red-faced, mascara running down my cheeks, bloodshot eyes. 

After a few minutes, I return to the darkened bedroom, looking around for any sign of Donnie. But there's nothing, not even a pair of indents in the carpet to mark where he stood. Poor guy: he's probably wracked with guilt right now, regretting cheating on his girlfriend, no matter how bitchy, with some chick he just met; an unfortunate bystander in my war against Alessandra. It briefly tugs at my conscience, but I've already crossed the salty and bitter Rubicon, it's too late to turn back. 

I walk over to the bed, standing by the side for a few seconds before I take the lumpy sheets and blanket in my hand the throw them back. Underneath is Alessandra, deep in stupor's sleep on her back, with one strap of her top fallen down to her elbow, her face on its side. I knew she wouldn't stay upright with all the booze she was sucking down earlier and it was only a matter of waiting for her concerned friends to stash her somewhere to sleep it off before I would have an opportunity to humiliate her. 

I watch her silently for a few minutes; her boyfriend's cum becoming clammy and cool in my mouth. Already tomorrow's guilt is gestating for what I'm about to do. 

But that doesn't stop me. 

I lean over her and open my mouth, letting his cum fall from my lips and onto her face. It lands with a gentle splatter on her cheek and rolls down her jaw, making a small puddle on her neck before running down and onto the bed. I keep watching her for a bit then hike up my skirt and untuck my girlcock from my waistband. She's still eager as a beaver and I stroke her, deliberately, sneering at the bitch under me, watching her boyfriend's load drying in the dim ambient light, music thumping under my feet. I bite my lip and jack her faster while fantasizing about hateful things I could do to Alessandra. It doesn't take long before my dick expands in my hand, my own fat load pumping up from my balls, and I spray my kids all over her chest, taking care to hit her half-exposed tit before letting the rest stain her top. 

"Bitch," my voice is loud enough to be heard and Alessandra murmurs and stirs, her head flopping over to the other side. Surprisingly, it doesn't startle me in the slightest and I take my time, shaking the last drops from my cock and getting my skirt back into place before I turn around and walk out of the room. 

I'm not even through the door before shame comes flooding into my hardened heart, making my stomach churn for a second time tonight. I feel remorse, contrition and self-reproach all at once and it nearly overwhelms me as I close the door. But I straighten myself up, take a deep breath and walk down the stairs. 

There will be plenty of time tomorrow for becoming a better person.

LJ's Story byVF_0079©

This is a story told in first person; it is done in a memoir style of sorts. It is long winded, quite wordy and I'd classify it more as a romance rather than your usual erotica. There are sexy descriptions within, but they are not the main object of this undertaking. If you're not happy with this, you can exit now. You have been warned. All main plot characters are of legal age (18+). All persons, names and locations may, or may not be a figment of my overzealous imagination, but I'll leave that up to you to decide. 

This is my first attempt at writing lesbian romance and erotica so please be gentle, I try my best even though I know that may not be enough. 

I dedicate this story to the females of my life. To my mother who taught me to be gentle, respectful and caring about women and their feelings. To my wife who is the bright, shining star in my life and who encourages me to write. To my daughter who can melt my resolve with just the tiniest of smiles. To all my female friends who honor me with their trust and friendship. 

***** 

The Beginning 

I often get the same old cliché question: "how did you know you were a lesbian?" This, I must tell you, annoys me to no end. Do I go about asking you how you learnt to breathe? Then again, perhaps I'm being a bit too snappy about it. Because I certainly didn't have it that clear cut in my head when I was younger. 

I guess some introductions are in order. I could give you any kind of phony name but there's no point in that. You can just call me Jennifer because I like the sound of it. I'm 35 years of age and my most striking feature would be my height; for a female I stand at an impressive 6 feet and my weight is...well my weight is irrelevant, you should know better than ask a lady about that. Let's just say that I'm not a super model. 

The good news is that I exercise regularly, eat sensibly and I'm blessed with good genes from my father's side which keeps the weight evenly distributed throughout my body. My hair is wavy dark brown, (read: unruly dark brown) which I keep at shoulder length; 99% of the time you'll find it tied in a ponytail. For the rest of my facial features, you'll find same colored eyes and wire framed glasses. My skin has an earthly tint to it which in all likelihood has to do with my Mediterranean heritage.

I grew up in a stable and loving family. My parents provided us, me and my younger sister, with a loving and comfortable environment. Due to my father's work we had to move around quite a bit which for me meant changing many neighborhoods and schools. 

Elisabeth, my sister, had no problem what so ever with making the adjustments. She was always an extrovert; very popular at school, a gifted athlete and a good student when she made the effort, she never had problems making new friends. 

I, on the other hand, was a different story. Always conscious of my abnormal height and less than perfect (at least in my eyes) body image, I always created a protective wall around me pushing people away. 

When puberty made its appearance things became a bit more complicated for me. A sudden growth spurt meant that I now towered above everyone which made the boys especially nervous around me. My breasts were rather smallish for my frame and my tummy seemed to sag with baby fat. But all my self-image issues where child's play if compared to my explosive sexual desires. 

The first encounter 

Just when I thought I had mastered the whole womanhood thing, my hormones decided once more to shake my world to its very core. I was in my senior year at high school and I had barely passed my eighteenth birthday. It was a Friday evening and I had returned home right after swimming practice. As was my usual modus operandi I had checked out my fellow swimmers at the lockers but not with a sexual undertone in it. It was, as I thought then, mere curiosity on my part. You know, she has big boobs, hers are non-existent, she shaves, I wish I had a butt like hers and so on. 

There was this particular blonde to whom my eyes would linger and return. She wasn't from my school but we occasionally shared a lane during practice. Her name was Brittany and she was probably a newcomer to our town because no one from the team seemed to recall her presence. She was tall and lean, shorter than me but then again almost everyone was and that was something with which I had reconciled myself. 

She had the loveliest strawberry blond hair, matched with pale blue eyes and the cutest dusting of freckles on her face. Her breasts were probably the same size as mine, but she did have a decent six pack and a very firm butt. Oh and best of all, the rug did match the curtains, a fact which, for some reason, I found fascinating. 

She was the exact antithesis of my body image. I was a giant with unimpressive dark brown hair and eyes and she was a light tanned graceful beauty seemingly plucked out of a fairytale. In hindsight, I was probably smitten by her but back then I barely had a clue about attraction between people, much less about being attracted to a member of the same sex. 

That night, I collapsed early in my bed as I was utterly exhausted from a full day at school and a two hour swim practice on top. I don't have any recollection of how much time had passed, but I remember, as if it was yesterday, having this incredibly hot dream about me and the blonde from practice. She was lying on top of me naked and her face was inching itself forward. I closed my eyes in anticipation of what? A kiss? 

I suddenly lurched from my bed completely startled. What was that all about? What was happening to me? And why did I feel all soaked down there? Why was I having this dream? I tried to float back to sleep but I felt hot, bothered and my genitals felt sticky and congested. I decided that if I was to get a wink of sleep I had to relieve myself so I tentatively sunk a hand underneath my pajamas. 

Things down there felt unbelievably slick, it was the first time I had ever experienced such a degree of wetness. Swirling my fingers around my clit, I could feel that my relief was not very far down the road. Closing my eyes, I proceeded to savage my clit. And then, the dream replayed itself with crystal clear clarity. Before my mind had any chance to logically comprehend what had happened a tremendously powerful orgasm crashed in waves of pleasure through my body. It just went on and on and my body was consumed like a fourth of July firecracker. Panting from my exertions but blissfully happy, I drifted off to a much needed slumber. 

Waking up the next day, the stickiness in my panties reminded me of what had transpired during the night. The orgasm had been one for the books but the dream which had provoked those highly explosive feelings was troubling me. In the end, I decided to chalk it up to my raging hormones and not give much more thought to it. 

That day at swim practice I tried to rush through the lockers and the showers as fast as I could in order to avoid bumping into Brittany. By a cruel twist of fate though, our coach decided to pair us in the same lane for practice. She went in first; "please don't stare at her butt...please don't stare at her butt..." I chanted over and over in my mind. But there she was right in front of me. Despite the frothing water being whipped around by her powerful legs, I could catch glimpses of her milky white legs as they ended in the cleft of her buttocks. 

Believe me, I tried hard to shake off the image; I tried counting tiles, I tried concentrating on my style, nothing worked. In the end, I received a severe tongue lashing from my coach for not paying enough attention to his instructions. With my head hanging low with shame, I made a premature exit to the lockers. "Hey Jennifer, wait up!" It was Brittany hurriedly trying to catch up with me. 

"What was that all about?" 

"Well the coach chewed my head off. He was right. I wasn't into it today. Too many mistakes." 

"We all have bad days Jen. Don't let this get to you." 

I managed a sad smile towards her. Then I remembered the reason for my lack of performance and quickly retreated to my locker. It turned out that Brittany had her stuff that day right next to mine. 

"Oh shoot! I forgot my shampoo when I switched bags earlier. Could you lend me some? 

"Errr...sure...I'll just take a quick shower and then it's all yours." 

"I'm in a bit of a pinch here, need to scoot quickly to my next classes...Could we perhaps share a shower head? That way we'll finish real quick." 

"I...sure...go ahead." 

We proceeded to strip from our wet Speedos in an awkward silence. I kept my head down and my eyes glued to the floor lest they stray towards her. Suddenly I felt acutely embarrassed to be naked inside a locker room and that was definitely a first for me. "I'm ready when you are," I distantly heard her say. Well this is it, I thought. 

Picking up my shampoo bottle I headed towards the shower head where Brittany was already soaking under the steaming water. Despite the best of my efforts my eyes did stray towards her naked body. And that was it; I was transfixed! All perception of my surroundings suddenly dimmed and all I could see was her alabaster skin as it glowed under the hot water. My eyes travelled from her toned thighs upwards, past her curly blonde hair covering her sex, past her rippling six-pack and onwards. 

In what felt like ten or twelve seconds but was probably just a couple, I had devoured her with my eyes. And to make matters worse, I had been none too subtle about it. She had caught me staring at her. I felt like a deer caught in a car's headlamps; I felt my cheeks burning with embarrassment and I wished for the floor tiles to open up and consume me. 

As my mind was processing my predicament with almost light speed efficiency, my ears registered a peculiar sound. "You look cute when you blush," I heard somewhere in the distance. But when the sound did register with my dazzled brain, my head stooped in shame. 

We proceeded to shower in silence. Against my better judgment, my eyes darted and lingered towards her. And then our gazes locked. I felt spellbound; I could not shake it off. She flashed me a thousand watt smile which sent shivers down my spine. Why was she affecting me like that? And why was I feeling all hot and bothered? What is happening to me? 

"Earth calling Jennifer! Hey you!" 

"Oh...emmmm...sorry...I was lost in my thoughts." 

"Obviously! You're my hero you know. I'd hate to have to go around all day smelling like bleach. Thank you!" 

"Oh...err...you're welcome...it's nothing really..." 

We continued to dress. On came my plain white cotton brief in that most comic of moments, where you have to lift your damp feet off the ground and pass them through the proper holes all the while making sure you don't touch the fabric or lose your balance. Oh and I forgot about having your crotch exposed in mid-air in front of a co-swimmer for whom your body suddenly decided that you have the hots for. Or so it thinks. And then your bloody eyes, obviously having a mind of their own and probably enjoying a laugh at your expense, casually drift towards the above mentioned co-swimmer who happens to be wearing a pink tanga, which happens to showcase said swimmer's ass. 

That's when you're faced with the following problem; you're embarrassed because you're wearing this rag of an undergarment because your mother refuses to allow you to buy anything remotely "sexy". You want the earth to open up and swallow you whole because, once more, you have been caught with your hand in the cookie jar, ogling, like a stupid jock would, your co-swimmer's assets. And, to crown it all, you have your mind screaming at you "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU STARING AT HER?" 

But then, our gazes met once more and this time it wasn't funny. We both looked into each other's eyes just searching. Searching for what exactly? Brittany broke it first by giving me that sunny smile of hers. "Well I'll see you round Jen. Thanks a million for the shampoo." And just like that she spun on her heels and left me with a million unsolved questions in my mind. 

After my classes were over, I ignored everyone and raced back home. I was on a mission; I was going to find out more about what was happening to me. I needed to know if it was just me or if others were experiencing the same feelings. My father had recently purchased a home computer which was installed in our family room. He had showed me how to use it and how to browse through the internet. 

Nowadays, PCs and for that matter all kinds of electronic devices, are fairly proliferate. Back then, we certainly belonged to a minority of families owning a home computer. I knew that I had maybe about an hour at my disposal before my parents and my sister came back home so I had to be really quick. 

After seeing the familiar "Windows 95" logo come to life, I immediately clicked on the blue "e" shortcut which led to the ether world. After about fifteen minutes of freaky porn sites and other dead ends, I ended up with a link about girls and their first time experiences. In this site there were stories about girls sharing their first kisses with other girls, how they felt about it and how they came to realize that they were, in fact, attracted to the same sex. 

Browsing through these stories had two major effects on me. One, some of these stories represented a major revelation for me. Pieces of the puzzle started forming in my mind. So did I really like girls? Was I bisexual? Was I...a lesbian? Because from what I was reading, the tick boxes were being ticked and the writing was beginning to be seen on the wall. 

The other major effect was that, reading these stories had aroused me to the point that I could feel the dampness in my underwear. A quick glance of the system clock showed me that I had perhaps fifteen minutes to take matters into my own hands. The congestion I felt in my groin suggested that, in fact, I should do just that. 

Shutting down the computer, I rushed to my bedroom but left my door open. I wanted to be able to hear should anyone arrive at the house. This was a mistake which I was going to pay for later in the future but that's a different story for a different chapter. For the time being, I unceremoniously stripped off my clothing and plopped on my bed. 

Closing my eyes I began sliding my hand down my tummy towards my pulsating groin. My right hand slipped underneath the waistband of my panties and my fingers twirled around the curls of my pubic hair. As my fingers descended further, I could feel and smell the uniqueness of my scent, a clear sign of my heightened arousal. The first contact with my exposed clitoris made my breath catch and sent a delightfully pleasant shiver coursing through my spine. Images of Brittany changing into her pink tanga and then showering next to me flashed through my mind. 

The stories I had read a few minutes earlier started to rerun through my mind, only now Brittany was the star of their narrative. My right hand started picking up speed as it begun to rub up and down the hooded shaft of my clitoris. My left hand, not to be left idle, was busy squeezing and pinching my nipples after having pushed up my bra. 

The buildup was absolutely massive and unlike anything I had felt before; my breathing was coming in shallow gasps and small whines of pleasure involuntarily escaped my mouth. My hand reached a frenzied crescendo which almost scared me; I had never before masturbated with such a desperate need for release. And then, just when my mind focused on Brittany's smiling, freckled face I came hard. 

Exquisitely pleasurable pulses radiated from my genitals outwards, consuming my body in flames of ecstasy. My legs at first stiffened like boards and then clenched tightly around my marauding hand as I assumed a fetal position on the bed. The pulses continued but with diminishing intensity. My index finger continued its ministrations in an unhurried, leisurely pace, tracing a course through the folds of my inner and outer lips. An occasional pulse of pleasure would send chills and shivers through my body. The feeling of satisfaction that I felt could not be described with words. 

And then, I heard the door to our house creak open. "Jennifer...we're home honey!" was all I managed to register before my panic hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face. Scrambling to action, I managed to somehow wear my jeans over my now sodden panties before I heard my father's voice: 

"Jennifer...whoops...sorry!" 

"DAAADD..." 

"Sorry...I'm sorry..." 

"I'm trying to get changed here if you don't mind!" 

"Errr...terribly sorry my dear...why didn't you close your door?" 

"Because you guys have a policy of no closed doors in the house? Does that sound familiar?" 

"Oh...err...yes...Errr...Are you all right? Your skin seems a bit flushed. Are you ill or something?" 

"DAD! NO! I was trying to get changed here and you startled me. Now go away so I can wear something!" 

"Ok...ok...See you in a bit then." 

Phew! Moments like these make you grow old. That was really close and I had to be a bit more careful in the future, I thought. 

Brittany 

As the days passed by I ended up being drawn more and more by Brittany just like a moth is being lured by flame. No matter what I did or what I tried I could not shake or deny my feelings for her. I actively pursued and eventually succeeded in becoming close friends with her. Any excuse to be with her, to be able to glimpse that shiny smile of hers, was good for me. 

My friends and schoolmates, some of whom I had known since we first moved into town rightfully complained that I was neglecting them; that I was absent minded and somewhere away most of the time. This was true; I was daydreaming about Brittany and I even got reprimanded from my teachers in a couple of classes because of that. I could lie to myself all I wanted, but there were definitely feelings there for her. 

But I was starting to hope, against all hope, that maybe, just maybe, there was an inkling of feelings for me from her side. She would always pick a locker right next to mine during swimming practice. We had traded phone numbers (remember, no mobiles back then) and emails; we started hanging out on our sparse free time. Then, we would phone each other and speak for hours over the phone over this and that, over the screaming protests of our parents who could not use the line. 

Finally, I got the nerve to ask my mother if Brittany could be allowed to come over for a sleepover. After consulting with my father she agreed, provided that her mother would come over to drop her off so that she could meet her. Floating on air, I rushed to my bedroom and got on the phone to her (a bedroom phone was one of the privileges I had won for being a good student). As I broke the news, I could picture her smile: "That's a great idea Jen! I'll go talk about it with my parents and I'll get back to you real quick!" Five minutes later, a bubbling Brittany told me that yes, her parents had consented and that she could come over any day I wanted. We settled on a Saturday night so as to have all the day to ourselves. 

The big day came and true enough, Brittany arrived with her mom right on time. Rushing down the stairs from my room to greet them, I was beaten to the point by my mother who was there first. There stood Brittany, wearing a pair of jeans and a simple pink tee on top, radiating warmth and happiness with her smile. Standing beside her was her mom who was like an older copy of her. 

"Diane? Is that you?" 

"Holly?" 

As we stood there dumbstruck our mothers hugged and embraced. 

"Wait? You guys actually know each other?" 
"We sure do! We went to McGill together. We were floor mates! I haven't seen Diane since we graduated!" 

We left our mothers to do their catching up in the kitchen whilst I led Brittany to my room. Once there, I made sure that the door was closed. As I turned, Brittany was standing right next to me. Our eyes met, our gazes locked. Mesmerized, I could feel my face lowering and inching towards her. What happened next is a moment that will be engraved in my mind for the rest of my life. 

As I our faces drew closer, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted. I could feel our noses gently sliding together; I closed my eyes and then I felt for the very first time in my life the exquisite softness of another female's lips. My very first kiss. The moment may have lasted six to seven seconds as our lips barely pressed together, but at that moment I felt indescribably happy feelings. Just as gently as we had been drawn together, we disengaged and opened our eyes. "I..." we both started to say. "You first...", "no you!" Brittany gingerly clasped my hand with both of hers and looked me in the eyes: 

"I was hoping you'd do that." 

"I...Really? You're not grossed out or freaked out or mad at me?" 

"...and I hope that you'll do that again!" 

Before my mind had any chance of rationalizing what had just happened, Brittany tugged at my hand and leaned upwards for our second kiss. This time our lips parted somewhat and I could feel the tip of her tongue tentatively seek my own. My body, already on hyper drive from our initial kiss, was on the verge of being consumed by passion. 

Thankfully, a last rational brain cell in my mind reminded me that there were parents downstairs and maybe, just maybe, what we were doing right now might not sit well with them. With great reluctance, I brought our kissing to a halt. Brittany still had her eyes closed; the smile on her face was enough to liquefy my innards. 

"That...that was fantastic Jen..." 

"I...uh...you have no idea how hard it was for me to stop...but...you know...parents downstairs..." 

We both giggled and hugged. A deluge of conflicting emotions coursed through my mind. Immense happiness and fulfillment but also fear and confusion. It felt so right and perfect to kiss Brittany and know that the feelings were mutual. On the other hand there was fear of the unknown; was this who I was? What did that mean for me? Eventually, the happy feelings won over; I was going to immerse myself in these glorious new sensations and deal with the music later. 

"We'd better open a window in here. I see that someone feels hot and flustered" 

"Oh right! As if you look perfectly normal yourself!" 

We both laughed at that. After straightening our clothes and making sure we looked presentable, I opened the door and led us downstairs once more. 

Later that day, having said our goodnights to my parents, we headed to my room. It was time to strip and change into our pajamas for the night. As I started to take off my tee, I felt self-conscious and bashful about it. It's not like we hadn't stripped in front of each other like a thousand times, or hadn't caught ourselves checking each other out, but that was within the confines of the lockers were it is "OK" to change in front of others. But here, I was stripping in the privacy of my room in the presence of someone for whom I had...feelings for? Was that it? Whatever it was, it made me feel much more vulnerable and insecure about my self-image. 

Biting some major bullet, I turned to face her, clad in just my jeans and my hands protectively wrapped around my meager boobs. "This is silly", I head Brittany say. In one fell swoop she took of her tee, jeans and bra and stood there with just her panties on. Although I had seen her a thousand times before in various states of undress, this was the first time that we were alone in private. "Do you like what you see?" Do I like what I see? Hell yes! I want to run over there and do...do things to you. 

Slowly, we floated towards each other; we embraced and I felt her hot skin touch my own. The feeling is really difficult to describe. Imagine getting ready to take a hot shower; you have the water running and steam has already misted the bathroom. Just before the scalding water hits your skin, that moment where the hot steam engulfs your body and makes even the tiniest of hairs on your body rise, that's how it felt with Brittany in my arms, only it felt better by an unfathomable magnitude. 

Brittany lightly nuzzled my neck as we held each other, not wanting to let go. The electrifying sensation that my nipples were receiving, just by merely touching her upper torso, as well as the mashing of her breasts on my upper abdomen was causing a flood in my nether region. Ever the pragmatist though, I lowered my head and whispered in her ear: "We'd better get dressed you know..." 

Sighing, she disengaged from me. I could tell that she was not entirely thrilled with the cessation of our embrace. 

"Hey...ummm...you know...my parents...this would be extremely difficult to explain..." 

"Yeah...bummer though..." 

Dressing up in our childish pajamas, we made our way to our separate beds. Half an hour later the inspection brigade came by ostensibly to wish us good night but in reality to check if we were doing "evil deeds". 

About half an hour later... 

"Hey Brit? Are you awake?" 

"Yeah..." 

"Wanna join me here?" 

"Sure!" 

Scooting towards the wall I made room for her in my bed. Brittany joined me and her face was alight with her smile. We sat there, our heads resting on my pillow, our hands on each other's cheek. I felt my heart simply melt; it felt a bit scary to be honest. I was hopelessly, madly in love with her. 

"Jen? Why did you choose me? How did you know?" 

"I...well...I wasn't attracted to girls before you...then again, I've never even had a date before. You...you just made my stomach flutter from the very first time I saw you at swim practice. At first I didn't know what it was...As a matter of fact I'm still...confused? Not about you, about me. A thousand questions dancing in my head. But at moments like this, everything is swept away and I'm just...happy!" 

"Hush then...and kiss me, please." 

And just like that, I lost myself in our kiss. And as our passion took over, off came the pajamas. Our kisses deepened; our hands roamed over our bodies and a hunger awoke within me. A hunger I had never before experienced aroused from its slumber; I wanted more. I did not know what it was that I wanted but I needed it nevertheless. 

I felt Brittany's hand slide down my stomach and my breath caught in my throat. My skin broke in goose bumps and I could feel my nipples being painfully erect. My sweet strawberry blonde looked into my eyes; gone was the playful smile. It had been replaced by a hungry, lustful gaze looking to feast upon me. As her hand reached the waistband of my panties I nervously gulped with anticipation. It was the first time anyone would touch me intimately. She looked deep into my eyes searching for my acquiescence; I nervously nodded and closed my eyes. 

Her fingers grazed past my pubic hair and ever so slowly, made contact with the shaft of my clit. "Oh yes..." was all that escaped from my mouth. Brittany entwined her legs around my left thigh and her lips joined mine in a kiss. Our tongues danced together for the first time as our passion consumed us. Her finger, now completely coated with my juices, slowly circled the swollen tip of my clitoris, driving me insane. I would have moaned had it not been for our lip-locked kiss. 

The feeling which was extremely intense, kept on rising and rising. My left hand grabbed the sheets while my right hand dug in Brittany's buttock. My legs stretched out and I could feel my quadriceps bulge out from all the effort. My head lifted off the pillow and there I saw what Brittany was doing. That image pushed me over the top; my back arched like a cat's and a soft "ahhhhh" escaped my lips. 

Powerful contractions initiating from my genitals crashed through my body sending me reeling with pleasure. Brittany continued her ministrations without the previous urgency and gently brought me down from the heights I had reached. Opening my eyes, I saw her smiling in my face. 

"...Wow..." 

"How was it?" 

"Breathtaking? Spectacular? Awesome? Uhh...I've run out of words here. Probably run out of functioning brain cells too...You! You're not getting away with this so easily!" 

"I'm not going anywhere..." 

"I want to return the favor...But I won't know what I'm doing..." 

"I didn't know what I was doing either. Just go with what feels good and natural..." 

Switching roles, it was now Brittany who lay her head on the pillow while I was wrapped around her. Soon our leisurely kisses became increasingly hungrier and passionate. I was driven by both lust and fear; I really wanted to devour every inch of her body but at the same time I was afraid of not knowing what to do. 

One of the stories I had previously read whilst I was prowling the internet mentioned a girl "eating out" her girlfriend. That particular story decided to resurface from the recesses of my mind during a particularly steamy kiss with Brittany. Boldness took over and inundated the rational part of my brain; I was going to do this if it was the last thing I ever did. 

Crouching on my knees, I shifted the focus of my kisses south of her neckline savoring her milky white skin and her heavenly scent in the process. Cupping her breasts with my hand, I tentatively stuck out my tongue reaching for a pinkish nipple. Brittany sucked in her tummy in anticipation and let out an audible breath when my tongue made contact. Encouraged by her reactions, I became bolder and playfully twirled my tongue over her areola, dancing around the protruding nipple. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I met her gaze as she intently stared at what I was doing to her. It was a moonlit night and the room was awash with soft light. After mercilessly toying with her nipples, I positioned myself in the lower end of the bed and started trailing sloppy kisses towards her navel. Each kiss would send visible shivers coursing through her body; a helpful and reassuring sign with which to alleviate my rising anxiety. Because, let me tell you, it's one thing to read about something and another thing entirely to actually have to do it for the first time. Was I really going down there? I certainly wanted to. What was I going to do there? Well, one thing at a time. 

Reaching her pink panties, the very ones she had worn that day at the swimming pool lockers, I could smell her heavenly arousal and actually feel the dampness in the fabric. Her breathing was coming in big gulps now, as if she had run with all her strength for a long time. Mesmerized, I traced the outlines of her outer lips planting small kisses as I went, enjoying the feeling of the fabric as it grazed my lips and nose. 

Brittany was having a really hard time staying still on the bed and even the clueless me could tell that she was ready for more. Rising, I placed my hands under her buttocks gently tugging at the waistband of her panties. Almost immediately she lifted her butt off the mattress; in one fluid motion her panties were off, lying on the floor. I stopped to take in the view; like I said before, I had seen her naked countless of times but this, this was different. She was my first...woman? Girlfriend? Mate? Whatever we were, this was a moment to engrave in one's memory. 

A fleeting thought crossed my mind, probably the last rational flicker before my brain completely shut down, that this would be one hell of a situation to have to explain to my parents should we be caught, but at this stage my sexually supercharged body couldn't care less. 

Gradually I lowered my face towards her waiting genitals. Her crotch was covered with curly blonde pubes which covered her outer lips and formed a rough triangle above. Her inner lips were pinkish in hue and slightly protruded from her slit. A silvery liquid could be seen coating her outer labia while tiny rivulets had formed at the entrance of her vagina. Almost in trance, I stuck out my tongue and for the first time in my life I sensed another female's genitals. The feeling was electrifying; the taste was heavenly, the scent intoxicating. 

After the first few strokes I grew bolder; I would use the tip of my tongue to trace the folds between her inner and outer labia making a circle around her vagina. Brittany's labored breathing and her occasional whimpering were sure indicators of her arousal. Then, I decided to throw all caution to the wind and gently enwrapped the shaft of her clitoris in my mouth. Sucking slightly on her clit would send Brittany delirious; her breathing was that of an athlete who had completed a marathon and her whimpering had grown in intensity. I was beginning to get worried that we might be heard. I had to end this quickly now. 

Sucking more firmly, I begun to swirl my tongue around the exposed part of her clit just like I would do to a lollipop. "Oh God...Jen...Oh God..." was what I got in reply. Continuing my oral ministrations, I placed my hands on her boobs and gently pinched her nipples with my fingers. That must have been the dam-breaker for her because her mouth formed in a silent scream and her muscles became taught as she rammed her pussy in mouth. Then, after three or four rough shoves her hands came up and forcefully grabbed my face trying in vain to detach my sucking mouth from her oversensitive clit. 

"Please...please Jen...no more...please...too sensitive!" 

"So...was it OK?" 

"The OKayest! You have absolutely no idea what you did to me!" 

I smiled and lay down right next to her. Our legs were intertwined, our hands held together and our heads touched on the pillow. 

"I hate to ruin this, but we'd better dress you know...before we fall asleep like that. I'd hate to have my folks barge in on us like this." 

"No...sleep...here...next to me..." 

"In your dreams Brit! No...hey...don't you play sleepy to me! Pick up your PJs and get dressed you knucklehead. If they find us like this I'm toast!" 

"Nuh Uh...You've got to say the magic word!" 

As she had her eyes closed pretending to be asleep, I gently nudged her head to the side and breathed in her ear: "Sooooo...let's see if I can get you dressed...I wonder what the magic word could be? Perhaps...if I slid a finger there..." and as I said the words I gave her slit a generous swipe. Brittany totally didn't expect that and nearly yelped off the bed in surprise. 

"Well, I see that someone is aroused...in more ways than one! Now I'd say that instead of pushing our luck any further, we get dressed in our chaste PJs and catch some shut eye. And...perhaps change into some clean underwear in the process." 

Reluctantly, Brittany got off my bed and redressed herself. Before turning in for the night, she turned towards me once more: 

"I...I love you Jennifer..." 

Without a word, I cupped her face with my hands and gently kissed her. 

"I love you too..." 

We stayed like that, staring into each other's eyes. I was happy, content, satisfied, insert positive adjective of your choice here. We hugged once more and then made our way to our beds. Although I would have liked nothing more in the world than to sleep with her in my bed, it would have been impossible to explain should my parents found us like that in the morning. As I lay there in bed, one of the last thoughts before I drifted off to the land of dreams was that, we'd have to be discreet and careful around each other from now on. 

In the morning, things were particularly dicey; perhaps it was that we exchanged one too many knowing glances between us during breakfast. In any case, my mother gave me a very meaningful look and that was more than enough to freeze the blood in my veins. I never was any good a liar and many times I feared that my mother could see right through me. 

The day passed without any further incident and what had transpired during breakfast had certainly gone a long way to chastise us. We decided that we would be discreet with each other at swim practice and we would use phones and emails on a daily basis. As her mother arrived to pick her up, we managed to snatch a quick farewell kiss. 

As I saw their car pull away I felt that I already missed her. I know, I know, hopelessly pathetic on my part, but hey, you've got to cut me some slack here; I was young and in love, I'd just had my feelings returned, not to mention the steamy sex if you can call our fumbling about in the dark that. Well OK, the room was moonlit, I said as such earlier on, but you get the picture. 

What I learned much later is that, because it's your first time, you don't really know what you're doing and your touch is extra soft and feathery. This may actually be torturous to a partner with whom you're together for some time, but when you're young and exploring around, these feelings are unforgettably magical. 

Days passed by and you couldn't possibly wipe the joy from my face if you tried. Brittany and I became experts at finding any kind of excuse to be together. We also became experts in impromptu make out sessions, be it in her basement, the woods near the lakefront or once, in our deserted lockers. We were absolutely mad and hungry for each other, the way that only a teenager can be, riding on this incredible roller-coaster of hormones and emotions. 

And then, my world came crashing down on me sending me reeling with shock and hurt. Brittany's father would have to be transferred once more before the month was out; they'd have to move to a town which was a two hour drive away. Even now as I write this, recalling these memories brings pain and tears in my eyes. A blood-red eyed Brittany came to my house one morning. When I asked her what was the matter she collapsed in my arms in another bout of crying, unable to utter a word. When I finally calmed her down she poured out the awful news to me. I was petrified; I stood there speechless not uttering a word as I felt hot tears streaming down my face. We held each other tightly and silently cried. 

Needless to say, all the usual promises were made; we would keep in touch, we would write each other, we would visit, we would make this work. We tried to make the most out of our remaining time that summer but our hearts were still stinging and our minds reeling from the shock. Although I tried my best to keep an upbeat altitude around her and an unfazed one around others, there were times when I simply broke down and cried my heart out. 

Saying my final goodbye to her was the saddest day in my life. I just ensconced myself in my room for two days; I would only leave for some water and to visit the bathroom. My face was gaunt, my eyes were blood red and in general, I looked and felt like shit. My parents and my friends tried to cheer me up with little success. Come to think of it, I was probably behaving like a first class bitch when all that they were trying to do was to lift my spirits a bit. 

Heart Break & Conclusions 

The days passed with me wallowing in misery. Normally, going to school was something which I relished. Now though, I was mostly melancholic and moody. I was frequently absentminded and didn't respond to attempts at conversation. 

Thankfully, I had one thing left to me and that was my swimming practice. Despite the fact that everything there reminded me of Brittany, in the pool I could pour out my frustration by putting in countless of laps, long after everyone was gone. The upside was that my body really shaped up now; I was tall, but I was no longer gangly. My legs had shaped up nicely, my butt stood proudly in the air and my stomach muscles showed the faint contours of a six pack. Even though my assets were, in my view, meager, I started getting some glances in the hallways now and then, something previously unheard off.
As time passed by and my heart began to slowly heal over Brittany, I started having all these gnawing questions inside me once more. What was I? Was I a lesbian? A dyke as they, so rudely, called them? Was I bisexual? Was this a phase? If it wasn't how would I know? If it wasn't, what was going to happen to me? 

I had seen some of the harassment going on at school with even the slightest of pretexts or rumors. You must remember that these were the 90s and although society was beginning to acquaint itself with issues of homosexuality, openly exposing one's self to the public was still a thorny issue. This was especially true in the unforgiving world of teen peer pressure, where, even wearing the wrong clothing could brandish you as a freak or an outcast. 

And although my body was screaming to me that, hey girlie, I like boobies and booty, my mind was still trying to square the circle. In the end, bowing to public demand from friends and family alike (why aren't you dating anyone?), I decided to give boys a chance. There was this guy, a speed skater, whose name was Friedrich, probably of German origin, whom we all called Fred for short. He was tall, taller than me (thank God), blonde with blue eyes and exceptionally well built. He readily agreed on a date with me, so I had no other option but to follow through. 

I half-heartedly went through the notions of primping myself up for our Saturday evening date. I say evening date, because I was on a strict eleven PM curfew at home. Return back a minute later and I risked being grounded for the next two weeks. 

We met with Fred at an uptown mall and proceeded from there. He was indeed quite handsome to look at and I knew that many of my girl palls from school would happily knife me in the back to take my place. His looks were, in fact, just fine; he looked like one of those Arian poster children straight out of a Nazi propaganda leaflet of the thirties. Now, don't get me wrong here, if you were into males he was eye candy. For me though his looks didn't ring any bells. I had to mentally stop comparing him with Brittany if I was to give him a fair chance. 

As the evening wore on though, other alarm bells started going off. You see, Mr. Fred had a very haughty self-image and he thought that I, not only should be in awe of his presence, but I should also feel honored and privileged to be breathing the same air as he was. Had it been only that, it would have been the source of a few laughs and giggles over gossip with my palls. Against my better judgment, I decided to play along when he suggested that we take a walk in the park, even though the weather was quite frosty outside. When his body language suggested a kiss I went with it; after all this was the main reason I had agreed on going on a date in the first place. I wanted to see if boys did anything for me. Fred was a sloppy kisser using too much tongue and too much jaw power. His kissing was rough and it did absolutely nothing for me. 

Then, I felt his hand grope for my tits through my woolen sweater. His handling was much too brutish and he was actually hurting me instead of pleasuring me. What really nauseated me though was when he tried to go for my bits under my skirt. Thankfully, I not only wore a pantyhose, but I had a leotard underneath. Enough was enough. I pushed him away forcefully. 

"Fred, NO, means, NO!" 

"What? Am I not good enough for you, you cold hearted dyke? Perhaps if I was your blonde little fairy from the pool, then you would have liked it better, huh?" 

"What? What are you talking about you jerk? I'm not a dyke and she was my friend you brainless asshole!" 

"Yeah right! Friend my ass Jen. We've all heard the rumors you know, I went out with you just to see if they were true. Well I guess we'll all know now!" 

Loosening his grip, I fled the scene and ran. Hot tears were streaming down my face and sobs were wracking my chest. After running for a bit, I collapsed on the sidewalk; hugging my knees I just let the dam burst. 

"Are you alright Miss?" 

"Yes...yes...I'm fine...fine...thank you." 

"Would you like me to walk you someplace? Would you like me to take you to a phone?" 

"No...no...Thank you...Thanks a lot...My house is really just nearby." 

The exchange with the patrol officer immediately shook me up. I composed myself, wiped my eyes and nose as best as I could and walked home. I hoped to God that my parents wouldn't be waiting for me in the living room because I knew I was probably a walking wreck; my makeup must have been all over my face, my clothes were disheveled and dirty and I couldn't stop shaking. 

Fate, for the first time that night, smiled kindly upon me and my parents were in the family room watching a movie. That allowed me to yell a quick "I'm back you guys" and rush to my room to change and clean up. Although considerably relieved to be within the confines of my room, I still couldn't stop shaking. 

"Hey there baby. So how was your date?" 

Startled, I nearly jumped to the ceiling. It was just my mom checking on me. 

"Oh...hi mom. Yeah it was OK." 

"Which means it wasn't. Are you OK? You look like a ghost...and you're...you're shivering! Jennifer? What happened?" 

"The date was OK mom, nothing for the books but it was fine." 

"What happened to your clothes? And why are your eyes all red? Have you been crying?" 

That's when I lost it and broke down in wracking sobs. My mom, God bless her for that, had the decency to close the door and sit me on the bed. There, she held me in her arms like she would a baby and slowly soothed my aching heart. 

"Thanks for that...I really needed a hug..." 

"Anytime baby, you know we love you and we're always here for you. You're still our baby girl you know...if you want to talk, privately if...you know...you're embarrassed of your father, I'm here for you. Whenever you want..." 

I let out a large sigh. Well, I'd better get this out of my system now that it was still raw. Summoning my courage I started my narrative. 

"...we went out with Fred, the guy on the speed skating team. At first he was all nice and courteous...he was OK but I wasn't really into him...just not interested. He suggested that we take a walk in the park and I went with it...he..." 

"shhhhhh...it's alright honey...it's alright...ssssshhhhh..." 

My mom shushed and held me like she would if I was a small infant seeking solace and comfort. 

"...he kissed me...rather roughly. It was gross and I didn't really like it...he...he groped my...my chest and he tried to get his hands beneath my skirt...I was wearing a pantyhose and a leotard so he didn't do anything...I pushed him away...he called me several names as he held my arm...I managed to ran away...and now I'm here." 

"Oh dear...that's just terrible! We should press charges against him!" 

"No mom...please...please don't...please...It's already terrible as it is. Please let's not have the whole town know about this! He didn't do any real harm, he was just being a jerk. I'd just like to put this behind me..." 

"I don't know...I'll discuss this with your father..." 

"Mom? Can we keep this a secret? Between the two of us? Dad will flip if he learns of this. He'll have a bodyguard for all I know shadowing my every move...Listen...If I have any more trouble from him I'll let you know first thing...I promise...Can we just forget about it for now?" 

Mom smiled wanly and held me tight. 

"If that's what you want dear, then yes, it will be our secret...for now..." 

Thankful for her comfort and relieved by our cathartic discussion, I went to my bed and slept the sleep of the dead. The good thing was that I woke up on Sunday feeling much better and refreshed. My parents had taken Elisabeth with them and left for mass; this was exceedingly rare. Usually my mother would wake me up and ask me if I wanted to join them. But today they had let me sleep right through. 

Being on my own, I started to think some things through. The dating issue had gone disastrously wrong, true, but the thing is that even looking at Fred, who was by all standards quite handsome, didn't do anything for me. What I needed, was more information. I had to know more. 

Taking advantage of my home alone time, I fired up the PC and started looking. After many false leads, I stumbled on a page called "Young Lesbians Support Forum". "This site is for females ONLY, if you're not a female LEAVE NOW. If you use a fake identity and we find out, we WILL go after you. You have been warned" read the disclaimer. Curious, I clicked myself in. There were all manners of discussion threads and a plethora of information tabs which I started to delve into. Hearing our car reach the driveway, I quickly bookmarked the page for further reference and shut down the computer. This looked like a promising start in my hunt for knowledge. 

A couple of weeks passed by and one day, as I was swapping bags at my locker a group of ice hockey jocks passed by. Their presence didn't actually register, but when I turned to leave I heard, just barely within my hearing range, the word "dyke" followed by raucous laughter. The icy talons of fear dug deep within me; I had to mentally force myself to keep walking and just ignore them. Come on Jennifer, they're just being jerks, so OK Fred, that royal jack ass was probably true to his word and spread his filth. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you angry or hurt. Just leave the scene and think about this later. 

Thankfully, I was able to heed the rational part of my brain and suppressing my hurt and anger I didn't respond. Although the next few days I heard a few nasty words flying behind my back, managing to keep my cool helped to diffuse the situation. That and of course my six feet of height dissuaded any would be provocateurs from confronting me directly. Behind my studied calm however, I was scared and scared shitless to be precise. My information queries on our home PC more and more confirmed what I felt inside. This was not a phase for me and I was in fact, in all likelihood a lesbian. That and of course the fact, that all my masturbating fantasies were filled with me doing things to other girls, or vice versa.

Troubles & Loose Ends 

These masturbating fantasies were the cause of an extremely harrowing episode that nearly sent my world crashing. During my senior year, I had gotten all chummy with a user of that forum and she had started sending via email or ICQ file transfer, images of lesbian erotica. These were not your usual male lesbian porn crap but rather they were high quality scans of female erotic photography. I was usually very careful with these and made sure that I was home alone when I perused them. 

On this particular incident however, I was horny as hell and sent all caution to the wind; I would do it right there and then, smack on the chair. In front of me, was the black and white image of a beautiful woman; she was wearing a sheer spaghetti-strap top through which her nipples could be seen poking. Her eyes were closed and her mouth had a slight "O" shape. Her left hand slightly squeezed her voluptuous breast while her right hand was underneath her matching panties. This image bought back so many memories of our first night with Brittany but it also caused a wave of hornyness that made me twitch on the chair. 

The door to the family room was slightly ajar and my parents were down stairs watching a film on the living room TV. My sister Elisabeth was out for the night. My mind screamed at me to stop what I was doing, switch off the PC and go wherever else and take care of things. But the image being projected on the seventeen inch screen beckoned to me like the sirens did to Ulysses. One hand went beneath my T-shirt squeezing my braless tit. The other went below my sweat pants, underneath my panties and right smack into my incredibly soaked slit. 

Like a possessed person, my hand went into a frenzy; my clit felt like it was an itch which begged to be scratched. I arched my back on the swivel chair and my legs stretched out in anticipation of a much needed orgasm. 

"Jennifer? What's going on here?" 

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! It was my father. Thankfully, after the initial shock of having witnessed his daughter going to town in front of a semi-nude woman passed, he had the decency to wordlessly leave the room. Oh my GOD!! I want the earth to open up and swallow me NOW! Panic set in and I could feel my hands shaking as I desperately tried to shut down the damned thing. After that, I rushed into the bathroom, washed my hands and then changed into a clean set of panties. Just as I had finished with that, I heard my mother come in the room and close the door behind her. Oh God...here it comes, I thought. 

"Jennifer? Is there something you wish to tell me dear?" 

"Mom, this is embarrassing beyond words..." 

"Well, your father is pretty shocked right now so if you could enlighten me...I heard his version of the story...I'd like to hear yours now." 

"Well...I...I...ummm...Dad caught me with my hands down my pants...I..." 

Hot tears of shame were streaming down my face now as my head drooped. 

"Honey, I'm not talking about that. Masturbating is perfectly normal and it's all part of life and growing up as a healthy teenager. It's what you were watching that I'd like you to elaborate on." 

"I...it was an image of a woman..." 

"I know that honey...Is there something else I should know about?" 

"I...it...it was...I was just curious...it was nothing...I promise I'll never do anything like that again." 

"Dearest, I will not lie to you. Your father was shocked to see you like that. He...It's not so much what you did but what you were watching. Now, I know that this is not the proper time for a more thorough conversation, so I'll take your word for it and scratch this incident on mere curiosity from your part. I'll go downstairs and calm your father down, however you should be more careful when you handle the PC especially because your younger sister uses it too. I'd also advise you to be a bit more careful in the house darling. We're not prudes or anything but your father deserves better don't you think?" 

She left the room leaving me a crying mess. I was ashamed and scared; but worst of all, I had no one to talk about it. I had a couple of friends with whom I was close but my affair with Brittany had chilled things between us somewhat. Again, you must keep in mind that these were the 90s; people were much more biased and misinformed about people of different sexuality. I was young, confused, living in middle town suburbia and scared shitless of what could happen to me should anyone find out. 

Thankfully I had two things going for me; my rational cool head and surprisingly, my mother. Yes, my church going mother turned out to be much more open-minded than I gave her the credit; in essence she became my biggest ally. While I still didn't know what would happen should I completely come out to my parents, my mother calmed down my father and dissuaded him from banning me from using the home PC. She brilliantly told my father that "if we ban Jennifer from using the PC here, she'll just find someplace else to go." 

My father, despite the fact that he inspired more fear than he indulged, could never hold an argument with my mother; after being grounded for two weeks, I had my privileges fully reinstated. In fact, to my absolute surprise, I was promised a lap top should I make a high enough GPA to enter a university of choice. 

This very close brush with total destruction taught me that I unfortunately had to be a bit more subtle with my sexuality. I had to play along, dot the "i" and cross the "t", study like a madman and get the hell out of high school and my town. I figured that, once in a big city campus, things should be much more liberal and less constricting. I could perhaps meet with like-minded people without having to play James Bond just to steal a kiss. 

To create an additional layer of safety and along the way silence a few mouths, I decided to have another go at dating. Now, I understand that this was pathetically Machiavellian from my part; I was going to lie not only to my parents and friends but also to my prospective boyfriend, should I be lucky enough to land one. You must also understand that senior prom was coming up and you just didn't go there on your own. Not going, or going alone would raise question marks with my parents; going with a girlfriend was some light years ahead in the future. 

If I was to keep up the illusion that I was your average straight girl I had to go there with a date. I'd have to be really careful with that too; the last one I chose turned out to be a complete asshole. But then again, who was I to criticize? I was looking for someone, essentially to use him long enough to get out of this town and on to university. 

My determination that year paid off handsomely; my GPA soared and in fact my senior year was, academically, my best. I also kept up with my swimming practice which helped me vent all my caged frustration. Although I did very well and made it through to the 200 meter butterfly state finals, I had decided not to opt for an athletic scholarship and go for an academic acceptance instead. My plan was to get accepted to the Bachelor of Engineering program of the McGill University in Montreal. It was the same university my mother had been to, the institution had a stellar reputation, it was situated in a big cosmopolitan city and it was a three hour drive from our home town. Close enough not to feel homesick but far enough to avoid excessive parental control. 

The final piece to my plans was the much dreaded boyfriend thing. There was this tall lanky guy in my Chemistry class who was a complete science geek. He wore glasses just like me and he knew chemistry and physics inside out. I had never once seen him get below 95% on a project, assignment or test. 

Joshua was a man of few words; he would help you out if you asked for his assistance and he was very modest about his considerable academic prowess. We had paired up quite a few times for our chemistry lab experiments and he never ceased to amaze me with his insight. I knew he didn't have anyone else to go to the prom with so I decided to ask. I caught him one day in the hallway as he was stacking some books in his locker. 

"Hey Josh...wait up..." 

"Oh...hullo there Jen...what's up?" 

"There's...there's something I'd like to ask of you. Would you like to be my date for the prom?" 

"Oh? That's certainly out of the blue." 

"And why's that?" 

"Walk with me. Do you have another class right now? Can you spare ten minutes?" 

"Sure, I have a one hour study period...lead on!" 

We exited the school premises and headed for the park which was adjacent. 

"So?" 

"So what?" 

"Will you be my date?" 

"Why would you want me to be your date?" 

This certainly wasn't going as I had planned it. I had thought that he would have eagerly jumped at the chance to be seen with a girl. I certainly wasn't prepared to be scrutinized as such and uncomfortably stared at my shoes, trying to think of something more to say. He broke the silence first: 

"Look Jen...I may be a geek, I may be quiet and spend my time in the library but I'm not stupid. I'll be honest with you; I've heard the rumors...and before you say anything, I don't care what you like and what you do in bed. If girls do it for you, power to you then. You're a good person who's treated me humanely, which is more than can be said about many of our classmates. I know how it feels to be different. I know how it feels to stand out from the crowd. So...the answer is yes Jen...I'll be your date...We'll put up one hell of a show." 

Without words, with tears streaking from my eyes, I hugged him and stayed like that for some time. You cannot possibly imagine or put to words for that matter how liberating it felt to have someone, anyone know of your secret. How it felt like a weight being lifted off my chest to have someone accept me for what I am and not judge me for the sex of the person I chose to be with. 
Thank you..." 

No other words were need and none were spoken. Joshua, with his exceptional perception and emotional maturity, had said it all. In the coming weeks prior to the prom we became very close friends. He was a revelation really; not only was he a very good listener but he offered moral and practical support in ways that none of my girl pals had ever done for me before. Although, it's been years since we've parted ways, we have kept in touch and occasionally arrange for a catch up meeting now and then. 

The best news for me though were when, one Friday evening as I came home from school, I found an envelope with the McGill letterhead printed on it. My mom was home and in the kitchen. Obviously she had seen the letter in the mail and had placed it on the dinner table but since the letter was addressed to me, she hadn't opened it. 

"Oh hullo there honey. Did you see the letter on the table?" 

"Yes mom." 

"So? Any news?" 

"Well, let's see what they have to say..." 

Dropping my sports bag on the floor, I ripped apart the envelope and opened the folded letter: "...we're pleased to accept your application..." was all I needed to read before starting to jump up and down, squealing like a little girl. With one swift move, I hugged my mom practically knocking her off her feet. 

"I made it! I made it! I made it!" 

"That's wonderful news hon! So what exactly does it say?" 

"Well, I got what I wanted. Bachelor of Engineering program without probation. Hmmmm...Tuition is bit steep...I suppose housing isn't going to be any cheaper either..." 

"Don't you worry yourself too much about that, love. I'll discuss with your father and we'll see what we can do about it. Today's a day for celebration. We'll wait for your father to come home and then we'll all go out for dinner. Well done Jenifer! Well done!" 

We went out to our favorite Italian restaurant that night. The atmosphere was certainly jubilant and I was even allowed to drink a glass of red Chianti which made me a bit tipsy. My father said that they'd cover all my tuition costs and they'd foot most of the bill for my accommodation. For the rest, I'd eventually have to get a job. Father said that it was not a matter of money, they could definitely afford to cover all my expenses if they wanted to, but it was better for me to get a feeling of how hard it is for money to come your way. Oh and I almost forgot, I would be getting a brand new laptop as a freshman present. 

Now, much to my chagrin, I may have not gotten my driver's license yet due to my mother's objections, but I can sure as hell tell you that I would be one of the very few freshmen with a laptop! 

Well after that, life at school flew by at an incredibly fast pace and before I knew it, it was time for the senior year prom. I had offhandedly mentioned to my parents that I was "dating" Joshua and that he would be taking me to the prom. 

As the day drew closer, my mother decided to help me with the preparations. We ended up choosing a cobalt blue dress, with a rather deep side cut which did wonders to show my legs. The top part was laced with silver threaded embroidery and strass, so my mother suggested silver earrings to match. We ended up buying Swarovski crystal-silver earrings of the same color. 

The most difficult issue to tackle though were the shoes. My sports shoes were an impressive ten and a half size and while nowadays this may be a relatively easy size to acquire, back then getting any pair of shoes was a shopping nightmare for me. After an exhaustive hunt we ended up with a number ten sized pair of silver kitten heels with sparkling straps on top. I had never before worn heels of any kind and at first it felt supremely awkward. 

But there were more weird first time things to follow; I went to a hair salon and had my hair done. I had my hand and toe nails manicured and pedicured; then had them done in the French style. To add yet more silver to my appearance, my mom bought for me a same colored clutch bug to match my attire. For the life of me, I still can't understand the function of a clutch bug; it holds practically nothing inside save perhaps your lipstick. I had to unclasp our house key from my key chain because it wouldn't fit! But I shouldn't be complaining; for the first time in my life I looked and felt incredibly feminine. You should have seen my father's jaw drop to the floor when he saw me fully dressed as I waited for Joshua to arrive. 

My ride arrived promptly, dressed in a pinstriped tux with a silver colored tie. I'm sure that Joshua felt like a fish out of the water in these clothes but he took it in the chin and didn't show it. After the customary photographs we were ready to roll. 

"You take good care of her, son." 

"Yes sir, I will." 

Turning over to me he semi-seriously addressed me: "I expect you to be back home no later than 0200." 

"Yes dad..." 

"What are you going to do with that bag over there?" 

"Daaad! It's just a change of clothes for later. Do you expect us to stay in these for the rest of the night?" 

"I guess not...Well have fun you two, take care and be careful on the roads please."

And with that, we were on our way. Joshua, ever the gentleman, opened the door for me and helped me tuck my dress in the car. 

"You really look spectacular tonight Jennifer. Kinda makes me wish this was not just for show, you know..." 

"The night is young dear sir...who knows what will happen..." 

He regarded me with a raised eyebrow and a question mark in his glance but didn't say anything else about it. 

The prom was both interesting and boring at the same time. It was certainly fun to be able to dance, socialize and genuinely have a good time, without having to worry about what people would whisper behind your back. At the same time I knew that everything, including me, was staged; the attention being paid to petty issues such as who wore what and who was super successful dating so-and-so felt to me incredibly boring and immature. 

I wanted to get out of here; it dawned to me that this prom was the conjuring of an illusion of happiness and make-belief. You had to be here, wear nice clothes, smile and show happiness to imitate success. We don't want nerds, gays and other misfits to spoil our party; this is the norm and if you don't fit in this picture then you'll die poor and friendless. And there I was, wearing my fake smile, exchanging meaningless pleasantries and pretending to be having a good time. I wanted to get out of this life, but there was one loose end which still needed to be taken care of. 

"You ready to jet mister?" 

"What and leave all this fun so early?" 

"You know, you have such a way with words. Why don't we both go and change into something more practical and I'll wait for you by the car." 

"Aye aye ma'am." 

Taking my bag out of the locker, I proceeded to change into something more humane. Off came the dress and the heels, on came a pair of jeans, green tee and a pair of sneakers. Bagging everything up as best as I could (my mom would have probably fainted seeing me treat my dress like that), I made my way to the car to find Joshua already waiting for me. 

"Where to now?" 

"I want you to take us to the lakefront. I know of a place where it should be nice and quiet." 

Joshua turned and looked at me. 

"Jennifer, you don't have to do this you know." 

"I...I want to...I'd like to..." 

"There's no need to do anything you don't want to do. I won't think less of you...you're a friend Jennifer...a good friend and you're the first person I've ever told that. I'll drive you where it is that you want to go to, but please remember what I said and don't do something you might regret." 

We rode to our destination in silence. Once near the lake, I guided Joshua to the place I wanted us to be. Opening the bag I had with me, I produced a large blanket to lay down and a pillow. Wordlessly Joshua followed me, as I searched for a clearing among the trees were I could lay down the blanket. Having arranged everything to my satisfaction, I motioned with my hand to Joshua to sit by me. 

"Are you sure about this Jennifer?" 

"You know...you may think of me as a whore or that I'm using you. I won't lie to you. I am using you and I will use you if you let me have my way. But I want to think of this as a parting gift Joshua. I can't love you as a lover would but I can love you as a friend...and...and...please don't think badly of me...but...if I..." 

"Hey...no...hey, hey, hey...no crying please!" 

"If I can't feel anything with you...then...then I'll know..." 

"Ssssshhhh...hey...shhhhhh...it's OK...Shhhhhhh...Listen to me...I think of you as a valued friend and as a sister I never had. If this is what you want to do, then we'll do it. I won't think less of you and I certainly won't think of you as a whore. I sort of understand why you have to go through with this. So, lead on and I'll be here for you." 

His words had a strange, calming effect on me. I was going to see this through to the end. With my hands I pushed his torso down until his head rested on the pillow. Sitting cross-legged next to him I proceeded to unbutton his jeans. From the bulge of his briefs I could tell that he was already somewhere on the way to a full erection. Then again, this would be the first time I would encounter another male's erection so I really didn't have any reference. 

With some amusement I begun fondling his erection through his brief and I must have been doing something good because soon enough he started squirming. Not wishing to have him come in his briefs and having heard all the gossip about guys finishing too soon, I stopped what I was doing and instead yanked his jeans and pants right off. Freed from its confines, his uncircumcised cock stood parallel to his stomach. 

Standing up, I shuck off my jeans and silver thong (yes, mom had agreed on buying one as the full cover ones I usually wore didn't sit well with my dress) and rummaged through my bag. From there, I retrieved a condom and a bottle of water based lube. Joshua was staring at me intently and I must say that I had never before seen him as dumbstruck as at that moment. Smiling at him, I did a simple pirouette so that he could enjoy all off me. Then, I was once more on my knees; off came the wrapper and with slightly shaking hands, on came the condom, pinching the tip slightly to make sure no air capsules were trapped. Squeezing some lube on my palm, I applied a general portion on his latex covered shaft and with my fingers I spread some inside the walls of my vagina. Yes, I was lubricated on my own but I wanted to be extra sure. 

Taking a deep breath and steeling my nerves with determination, I slowly descended. Grabbing his throbbing cock with my hand, I positioned its head right on my entrance. Lowering myself slightly, I grimaced with pain. Gritting my teeth, I backed off and threw myself at it again. I managed to sink further before the stinging pain forced me upwards once more. Then on the third try I sunk downwards all the way, finally stopping my descent on his navel. 

Buoying my hands on his chest for support, I started a slow rhythmic piston-like movement on his cock. Joshua's eyes were as wide as saucers; his breathing was shallow and his hands were gripping at the blanket. I was sweaty myself and my legs were starting to burn from my exertion. And then, Joshua forced me down with his hands and grunting heavily forced me to be still. 

After a few moments his grip lessened and I as I lifted, I felt his cock withdraw. Taking a wet wipe from my bag I cleaned myself up; there was only a very faint pink tint on the paper and certainly nothing like a gash of blood that the sexual lore of the time suggested. Dressing back up, I sat on my haunches next to Joshua who was still trying to get his bearings. 

"So?" 

"Uhhh...well...you've got me at a loss for words here Jen..." 

"Did you like it?" 

"Well...as you might have guessed...this was my first time...yeah, no big surprise there so...did I like it? In terms of pure carnal pleasure, hell yeah! In emotional terms? I don't know Jen...Uhhhh...used perhaps? How do I rationalize it? I don't. I think I understand your need to do this and as a friend I helped you. I think we both helped ourselves you know? You took me out of the depths of depression and showed me that there's life beyond the books. That there is no acceptable norm and that you should enjoy life as you are...That's my take of the story...I'd very much like to hear yours..." 

"Okay...Well...No pressure, but you were manhood's last chance..." 

"Oh shit...Shouldn't we have picked a better champion? You know, anyone with glistening muscles and a pearl white smile?" 

"Oh shut it...you know full well I've been down that road...No...seriously now...I wanted to give it one last try. I really wanted to make it feel good. I have feelings for you, strong ones, but they are friendly feelings, brotherly feelings. Just for the record, that was my V-card you just collected there...well with boys anyway...the passion I felt with...with Brittany...the stars...the magic...the heart ache...No...I didn't feel them and it has nothing to do with you. I really wish I could make myself kiss you, loose myself in your embrace...it just wasn't there Joshua...I'm sorry...But in the end, this was a liberating experience, you know? I know who I am and there is no turning back." 

The whole scene may sound surreal to the reader and I may come out like a cold hearted, calculating bitch. It's true that, from my description here, it would seem as if I conducted a scientific experiment. Others may cringe at my willingness to have sex with a man on purpose. I don't blame you if you do. I myself went through a lot of soul searching to find an answer. You could even say that I selfishly gambled my friendship with this move. I won't deny my selfish motives; I had to know and if the price was such then so be it. 

In the end, Joshua was, as always, extremely mature about it and our friendship has survived in spite of this. But now, armed with this new knowledge, I was, in a sense, liberated. I was a lesbian; I liked girls and this was not a phase, it was not an illness or an abnormality. I was a normal human being who happened to fancy members of the same sex and nothing on the good earth could change that. 

Coming out to one's self is an important stage of acceptance; coming out to the rest of the world is a different story. Sure it felt great to have Joshua know of my secret but the rest of the world? That was an entirely different ball game. As I've said before, you should keep in perspective that we're talking about the mid-nineties here; people were starting to come around from the dark ages but it was still not the easiest of subjects to broach upon. 

With my parents I was still on the fence; I wasn't entirely sure how they'd react. Making a new start at a big city was a challenge in itself and I didn't want to leave home being on uncertain terms with them. However, I did want to tell my sister at some point; although Elisabeth was younger than me, we did have a very good sisterly relationship and I already felt bad for keeping her in the dark for so long. From my old classmates and friends I had no one in particular with whom I wanted to share this secret. 

Would I still keep up a show once my university life started? I'd have to take one step at a time and see. As selfish as this may sound, my parents were going to fork a considerable amount of money for my tuition and accommodation and they certainly deserved to be told at a proper time of my choosing. Until that moment came though, I'd have to keep a low profile and bide my time. 

A new beginning 

After a restful summer, August came, signaling the start of young adulthood at the university. You cannot possibly imagine the absolute pandemonium that engulfed our usually tranquil house; clothing which needed to be packed, bed linen, basic kitchen utensils, you name it! My mom left nothing but the kitchen sink behind. There was no reasoning with her; we just couldn't leave something to be bought locally at Montreal, we just had to load our car to the brim and march off. 

My father made good on his promise and the day before leaving, presented me with a brand new laptop. I tearfully hugged him and I'm sure I heard a lump in his throat, but typically him, he would rarely allow for emotion to show in front of us. My sister gave me a very poignant gift; she gave me a beautiful diary with an old fashioned lock and key. She said that I should use it whenever I felt frustrated and needed to vent. I still hadn't gotten round to talk to Elisabeth and I'm sure she knew that I was hiding something from her, hence her present. I would miss her terribly in Montreal, because apart from Joshua, she was my closest confidant. 

On the day I left, I tried to put on a brave face and not break down and cry. I managed to do so with my father and Elisabeth, but once in the car with my mom, I lost it. Mom pulled the car aside and held me to her bosom (I'll remember these words forever): 

"My sweet child, we'll all miss having you around...I still remember as if it was yesterday when the nurse brought this little bundle and placed you on my breast. It's only natural that your heart is filled with sorrow...but think! A new life is dawning upon you. Open your wings my child and we'll always be here for you to admire your achievements and cherish your memories. And besides...we've got phones...we've got emails...we've got cars...It's not like you're going to the dark side of the moon. So, cheer up, let me see that glorious smile of yours and off we go to a new adventure!" 

Once in Montreal, we made our way to the Royal Victoria College undergraduate residence. This was the place that my mom had stayed in when she was an undergrad in the early 70s so we had to honor family tradition and choose that. Since my parents would, in the end, be covering that cost I really didn't have any say on the matter. The residence was an all-female establishment which must have been my parents' way of keeping me out of trouble. More like having the wolf guarding the sheep, was my inward reaction when my mom informed me about it. 

The RVC ended up being a fabulous accommodation for me; I had a single room with all the necessary amenities and most important of all, it was situated within a five minute walk radius of all major campus buildings and facilities. The bachelor of engineering program for which I had enrolled was both stimulating and demanding at the same time, leaving me with very little free time. Although the RVC was full of beautiful girls my age, I was reluctant to make an exploratory move for fear of being exposed. In fact, apart from a couple of girls right next to my dorm and a few people from my program, I hadn't made many new acquaintances so to speak. What was noticeable though, was the fact that there was a much more relaxed atmosphere towards what people chose as their sexuality and that was a really welcome change when compared to small town suburbia. 

From my description so far, you might think that I was a book worm stuck between my books and my classes. Well...yes and no...While my course consumed a considerable amount of my time, I did visit the university swimming pool on a regular basis and I did mingle with friends. To be honest, I tried to avoid the parties because I didn't actually relish the idea of being hit upon, especially by people who probably had consumed one beer too many. True I may still have been hiding in the closet as far as the world was concerned, but there was no need to keep on pretending by going on fake dates just for appearances. As I said above, this was a luxury that big city life allowed for. 
Being clear about not wanting anything to do with men however, did very little to satisfy my smoldering sexual needs. I masturbated quite frequently at that time, almost once per day and always thinking about beautiful females that I had seen previously. As is well known however, masturbation can only take you so far; ultimately it is intimate contact that will fulfil your fundamental desire to be with another human being. And I'm not talking exclusively about the sex here, although that was in the forefront of my thoughts at the time. Sometimes, you just want someone to talk to, someone who shares your fears, dreams, way of life. You just need to hold their hand or enjoy a walk in the park. 

It was only now, a couple of months after I had settled in, that I came to realize just how important a role Joshua had played in my life. Sure, he didn't fulfil any of my intimate needs, but he was a genuine friend to whom I could pour my heart out. Now, I had no one with whom I could truly be free with and all this effort spent at keeping my secret within me, started to take its toll. 

As always my rational mind kicked in and offered three options: a) I could prowl the IRC channels that I knew of to find a prospective friend/date/whatever, b) I could pay a visit to the lesbian bar scene which, in Montreal, wasn't very difficult to do and c) I could join the LGBT community here on campus. I opted to focus my efforts on option a) because it offered a relative modicum of anonymity. I was probably scared and intimidated of option b) and I was still not ready to go all out with option c). 

Through my previous contacts I eventually ended up late one night chatting with user "Mystique" on a private room. 

Hey 

Hey yourself 

Feeling a bit bored tonight 

Oh? Why's that? 

Actually it's not boredom... 

I wonder what it could be... 

Well yeah...I'm horny too...Happy now? 

I guess that makes two of us... 

M? There's something I'd like to ask of you...Would you like to meet? You know...like for real? 

M? 

Yeah, I'm still here...That's quite a bombshell you dropped there LJ. I mean...how do you know I'm not a dude? How do I know I'm not messing with you? 

I...I'm not sure...But I just want to be with someone...if only for a talk...face to face...This life, I don't know for how much longer I'll be able to pretend. This secret identity of mine is killing me. So are you messing with me? Yeah, you could be. So what? I've got very little to lose. I'm willing to chance it. 

Okay sugar...better me that somebody else I guess. Do you know where the "Le Drugstore" club is? 

Uhhhh...no... 

Write this down then. 1366, rue Ste-Catherine Est, tomorrow is a Friday, you think you can make there at say 1800? 

Sure, I'll be there! 

Cool! I'll see you then. Listen, gotta rush, we'll talk tomorrow. XXX. 

And just like that, she went offline. As the adrenaline of what I had just dared to do wore off, I begun to kick myself in the butt. What have I done? I've arranged to meet with a complete stranger. For all I know she or he could be a serial killer. I mean, sure we had chatted around for quite a bit, she had described herself in words, I had done the same, but still...that was one hell of a way to run a railroad. Was I really going to do this? I was, wasn't I? 

Sleeping was really difficult that night. I tossed and turned around and in the end I had to revert to the tried strategy of getting myself off in order to fall asleep. The next day, I was like a zombie. I went for my usual morning swim practice but my heart and mind weren't really into it. At my classes, I was absentminded and caught myself daydreaming a number of times. 

After thoroughly tormenting myself through lectures and labs, I rushed back to my dorm to freshen up for my meet. What to wear? My usual sweatpants and hoodie wouldn't do, it was a Friday evening after all. And besides, what if the place had a dressing code? Better overdress than be embarrassingly sorry later. 

Starting from the inside out, I wore my newly purchased skin colored thong with a matching Wonderbra on top (yes, I was finally able to buy my underwear on my OWN, without a chaperon). Since it was not freezing cold outside I opted to wear my thigh high brown skirt with a cinnamon colored pantyhose. As there was no snow outside, I could wear my elfish looking brown suede boots. On top, I chose a sugar colored turtleneck and I let my hair loose on my back. I even went so far as to apply some earthly mauve lip gloss, a major first for me. 

It was really a highly surreal experience. On one hand I was going through all these notions of making myself...presentable? Attractive? And on the other hand, I was forcefully trying to convince myself not to chicken out. What was I expecting? Why was I doing this again? In the end, I steeled my nerves and walked out the door. 

It's really funny what a set of proper clothing and five minutes in front of your mirror will do for you. I felt the same inside, but I did get lots of looks and a couple of wolf-whistles along the way. Well, I may not enjoy being hit by men but when people turn around to look at you, that's a confidence booster in my books. Because I was going to need all the confidence I could get in the next few hours, I reasoned. Sure, I had been with Brittany before but, although the feelings I felt and had with her were still in my heart, there was a bit of puppy love involved with her. The world of womanly love was still something which felt a bit uncharted to me. As a friend of mine many years later put it, seeking out your better half feels like trying to run your bicycle through a living room filled with crystal vases in the dark. You're bound to make mistakes and get hurt. 

These thoughts kept me company as I made the short walk to the "Le Drugstore" club. The venue was actually quite intimidating; as I nervously perused the surroundings, I could tell that the place should be huge. How on earth was I going to find Mystique in all of this? Feeling mightily deflated, I stood outside pondering on whether I should go in or not when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. Turning around I saw two women sizing me up. One was tall and thin with tomboyish platinum died hair. She was eyeing me rather warily. The other one was shorter, raven haired with a purple streak, clad in black clothing. The shorter one came over to me an extended a hand: "You must be LJ" she said. "I'm Mystique and this is my partner...Shall we head inside?" Well, now that we're all one big happy gathering, why not, I thought. 

Once inside, we found a nice comfortable booth to sit and Mystique leaned over and whispered something to her partner. She grudgingly left and headed over to the bar, probably, as I reckoned, to get something to drink. The place was absolutely huge; it was a mix between a pub and a club and since this was a Friday after work evening, the place was starting to fill with people. The crowds I saw were mostly females but there were some men there as well. 

As we traded awkward pleasantries with Mystique her grim faced partner arrived holding three large glasses of Labatt's blue. I had never drank beer before as my family, due to my father's Mediterranean heritage, usually had wine with dinner. We weren't allowed to drink and apart from that glass of Chianti when we celebrated my acceptance at McGill, I had never before consumed alcohol of any kind. This beer though tasted surprisingly well and its coolness felt thoroughly refreshing. The way the fizzle of the pilsner made my tongue tickle was welcome in its newness. 

Before I knew it, I had downed half the glass and a loud hiccup made me giggle like a school girl. Whoops! We've maybe gone a little too fast here my brain thought. Mystique smiled at my cutesy mishap and even her hard-nosed partner softened somewhat. 

"Listen...LJ...There is something here that I want to tell you. My real name is Darla and my partner here is Valeria. She, by the way, though that I was nuts coming here like that to meet you. I know she's right, but I sensed a great deal of anguish in you and I wanted to help. You were extremely foolish to come here and meet with me like that, you know. I could have been a serial killer or a stalker. I could have gathered information about you and then extort you with it. There are all kinds of perverts and idiots lurking in our channels and you can't just go meeting people like that or you'll get into trouble..." 

My head dropped and I started staring at my beer glass, embarrassed and ashamed at being reprimanded like that. 

"Sweetie, I know you feel bad right now but I simply had to tell you these things. I know what you're going through, trust me, I've been in those shoes of yours and I can tell. I'm here to help you and if you have anything to ask, go ahead. Just promise me that in the future you'll be more careful with your virtual contacts." 

Taking a big gulp of beer for courage I decided to open myself up. 

"Well...for starters my real name is Jennifer...I...I am 99% positive that I'm...I'm into girls...exclusively that is. I've tried boys twice, didn't do anything for me, I've been with a girl once and it was magic. But after my first girl, I've been stuck. I mean, I'm hiding myself. I pretend. I create this shield around myself constantly scared that someone will find my secret. But...but there are moments when my armor just cracks, when I just long to be with another girl...and I don't know what to do." 

"First, let's talk about the positives here. You should count yourself lucky to have come out to your own self. Others are far less fortunate than you are. Just imagine the torment of having to deny to yourself what you are and have to lead a crappy, unhappy life full of lies and denial. Imagine being married with children, being totally unhappy and miserable and having to pretend and make belief for the sake of your family. 

So yes, that 99% positive is very very good. Now, coming out to your immediate friends and family, THAT, can be tricky. I won't lie to you Jennifer; your folks will be shocked, there's definitely going to be some shock involved. Now their reaction can vary. If your background is a stable and loving environment, then they'll probably come around and at least accept you for what you are. Will things be as they were before? I hope they will but you shouldn't expect miracles either. 

That's the positive scenario here; in my circle I've seen and heard about daughters being kicked out of the house by their own mothers, by parents disowning their own children and not speaking to them and by so called friends refusing to walk in the same sidewalk with you for fear of contacting a disease. You will be called names, you will be discriminated against and people will knowingly or unknowingly be cruel and hurtful towards you. 

Now, I don't want to scare you but sensing in you some naïveté...You need to have the wool pulled off from your eyes Jennifer. I'm sure you're a lovely person and from your emails and chats you sounded like a good hearted individual, otherwise I would never have gone to all the trouble to come and meet you here. You need to see though that we live in an imperfect world; now that you've left the protective folds of your family you need to see the dangers of the real world. And, unfortunately as it may sound, you need to understand that, coming out has repercussions...I know I've served a lot on your plate...What do you think? 

"Uhhhh...I feel like I need another drink right now to be honest." 

"We can do that but just a small one now. Is this your first time to drink sweetie?" 

"Uh...yes...Am I that transparent?" 

"Well...if I were you, I'd be a bit careful standing up." 

What Darla had said suddenly made me realize that my bladder was full. I excused myself and rose to head to the bathroom. As I did, I felt a pulsing going through my temples and my head felt a bit hazy. My walking required conscious thought on my part. Making my way to the bathroom, I noticed this tall, almost as tall as me, muscular blonde with an almost military crew cut semi-blocking my way. As I approached the corridor which led to the ladies room she blocked my path completely. 

"My, my, my! What a pretty new face we have here. What's your name sugar?" 

I froze in my tracks, scared and confused at the same time. 

"Uhhh...if you'd excuse me...I'd like to go the bathroom..." 

"What and leave my company so soon? How about a get-to-know-you kiss?" 

Before my alcohol impaired brain had any chance to register what had just been said, the blonde skillfully shoved me to the wall and grabbing my face with her unusually strong arms swooped in to kiss me. Although I was not exactly a pushover and I did have couple of inches on her, she was much stronger and my reflexes were considerably impaired due to the beer. Images of Fred started flashing through my brain and I panicked; I squirmed trying to get away from her but using her body weight and her iron grip she had me pinned to the wall. I felt her hand roughly groping my sweater and one of her legs grinding up my groin. 

"SARAH! GET AWAY FROM HER NOW!" 

"What, you keep pets now Darla? Or isn't Valerie enough?" 

"Get the fuck away from her you stupid cunt or else you'll have to deal with us! MOVE IT! NOW! You're such a stupid bitch pulling off moves like that on kids. Don't you see she's crying?" 

Darla and Valerie had been my saviors. But as Sarah disappeared and the adrenaline left, I felt my body slowly collapse to the floor. Silent tears begun streaking my face as I hugged my knees shivering uncontrollably. 

"Ssssshhhh...it's okay...it's okay...hey...let's get you cleaned up and let's go home. Hey Val...help me here please..." 

They picked up from the floor, steadied me and holding my arms they took me to the bathroom. They stayed right outside my stall as I relieved my bladder; then I splashed some cold water on my face which really helped. Why, oh why did these things have to happen to me? First Fred, now this! Just the mere thought brought tears once more to my eyes. I had to get out of here immediately. 

"Darla...Would you be so kind and walk me to my dorm please?" 

"Will do sweetheart. I'm so sorry this happened to you...Remember what I told you about the world being dangerous? Well, sadly you got a bitter taste early on. Our cosmos is not any different from that of the rest I'm afraid. Stupid and nasty people can be found everywhere. Some like Sarah think that because you're a new face in a gay bar you're like a piece of meat to be devoured. Sad but true." 

"Just get me out of here please. I feel like I may puke if I stay any longer." 

We walked towards my dorm in silence. Darla and Valerie walked with me in between, perhaps to keep an eye on me on the way. Soon enough we reached the university campus. I turned and hugged both of them: 

"Thank you...For saving me...and for the chat we had...and for the beer..." 

"You're welcome sweetheart. We both didn't have it easy in our lives and well...you seemed like a decent person so I decided to help. Valerie here believes on people having to fall and get back up on their own. I think that lending a hand to someone in need is the decent thing to do. After all, what I told you will only lead you to the water. You'll have to do the drinking by yourself. Take care now and should you need me, you know where to find me." 

I rushed to my room and locked the door. I collapsed on my bed without taking off my boots or clothes. The episode with Sarah had helped to drive home what Darla had told me earlier. The world was cruel and dangerous and what had happened at "Le Drugstore" was a useful wake-up call. I'd also have to plan about how I'd come out to the world. 

The hectic schedule of my program helped me to quickly forget about that unhappy episode at the club. That meant that option b) was out; I wasn't going to find what I needed from the bar scene. Since I wasn't interested in one-nighters this definitely wasn't the way to go. That left plan c), the LGBT student alliance but that could potentially mean involuntary outing myself. I did have a flier with all necessary information as to where and when they held their meetings but I sat on the fence undecided. 

Going home for Thanksgiving had been a wake-up call. During the various feasts with relatives I was constantly queried about my boyfriend, whether I was dating and so on. Was this the life I'd have to lead from now on? To hell with it! I couldn't take another family reunion like that, not have to pretend for the rest of my life! That night, after Thanksgiving dinner was over I quietly took my sister aside and asked her if she could come to my room for a sister to sister chat. Intrigued Elisabeth followed me in as I closed the door to my room. 

"So what is that you want to tell me?" 

"Eli...there is no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. I'm gay." 

Elisabeth blinked widely and looked quite stunned. 

"Eli? Please say something?" 

"Well...ummmm...wow! Do mom and dad know?" 

"No, you're the first one I told. I couldn't take it any longer, I had to tell. Please...please don't tell anyone Okay? Please Eli..." 

A very somber faced Elisabeth turned to face me. 

"Well, I guess I'll have to wear a robe now when we share the bathroom. I don't want you to perve on me..." 

"What?" 

My sister had already collapsed with laughter on my bed. 

"You little shit. For a moment there you really had me going!" 

"You should have seen your face though...it was priceless, sorry...I couldn't help it."

"So you're OK with it then?" 

"Of course I'm OK you big oaf! You're my sister and my feelings for you aren't going to change because of whom you choose to bed! Besides...this could be useful..." 

"Oh?" 

"Well, anytime I need a second opinion for my clothes on a date night I could phone you and give you a description. If it gets your juices flowing that means success for me!" 

A second later, I chugged my pillow squarely on her head. An old fashioned pillow fight ensued and we ended up laughing our guts out on the floor. God, it felt so nice to be home. 

"Eli? You're the bestest sister in the world. You have no idea what this means to me. Thank you..." 

"Oh shut it. That's what sisters are for. We're not living in the middle ages anymore and if girls are your thing, then power to you. You're gonna have to be a bit more careful with mom and dad though. They might take some time getting used to this." 

"I know...I know...Trust me I've given this a lot of thought. I really wanted to tell you earlier but I couldn't find the nerve to do so. You can't imagine the weight that's been lifted off my chest now. I'll find a way to tell them and until then..." 

"My mouth is sealed..." 

I returned back to Montreal a much happier person than I had left. I was cheerful and this was noticed by both my friends and floor mates. Telling such a secret to a person you deeply care about can be a hugely liberating experience if that person accepts you for who you are. 

Elisabeth came to visit me just before the Christmas break, ostensibly to help me pack, but most probably because she wanted to do some Christmas shopping away from my mom's watchful eyes. We had the chance to talk quite a lot during those two days we were alone there and she persuaded me to join the LGBT club. I resolved to do so once I returned back from the Christmas break. 
After the nightmare of my first semester exams was over and my head cleared from all the endless nights of studying, I decided one Friday evening to go the regular LGBT meeting. There was a mix of guys and gals there but my eyes lingered on this girl with fire colored hair. Before I had the chance to settle on my chair, a loud female voice broke the chatter. 

"Well...it would seem we have two new people with us today. Would you care to stand up, say your name and a few words about you and why you're here with us?"

Looking up I saw a girl with rainbow colored hair who had brought the meeting to order looking intently towards me. Oh God...Umm...can't I have a few minutes...hours...days to prepare this? Okay, okay quit staring, you're making me dizzy...I'll rise and do my thing. 

"My name is Jennifer Bernardi and I'm a freshman at the Bachelor of Engineering program. I'm here...I'm here because I'm into girls...I'm a lesbian." 

There was clapping around the room as I sat back down on my chair as red as a beetroot. 

"Well done Jennifer. It takes a lot of guts to do what you did in front of others. You rock girl! And how about you?" 

Turning her head she looked towards the fire haired girl who was sitting opposite to me. Gracefully, she rose from her chair and for a fleeting moment her green eyes connected with mine. Her gaze lingered briefly as she stood upright ready to do her introduction." 

"I'm Deirdre Burke and you can call me Dee for short. As you can tell from the funny accent, I'm Irish Canadian and I'm a freshgirl at the Bachelor of Biology. I'm here to steal what Jennifer is after." 

Everyone laughed and clapped at the funny retort and I could feel my cheeks burning many shades of red. When I looked up again, I saw her watching me and I know this sounds so cliché, but my surroundings weren't important anymore. I stood there gazing into those emerald green eyes of hers and the feeling I got I had only felt it before with Brittany. 

"Thank you Dee. Now, when you guys stop having eye-sex I would like to inform you..." 

Another round of raucous laughter broke out, this time at our expense. I was certain that my face was scarlet in color but Dee had it much worse than I did. Her milky white skin made her red face glow like a traffic light. From that moment on I didn't really pay much attention to what was being said at the meeting but I did appreciate the fact that the atmosphere was jovial and friendly. 

Perhaps the most important thing which I managed to retain from the whole session was that you shouldn't let hurtful language get to you but rather own it and label yourself with it. That way you diffused the problem and others couldn't get to you with it. But that was just about what I managed to hold from a one hour meet. The rest of the time my focus was solely upon Dee. I could tell she was checking me out too, but after being told in front of everybody she was more discreet about it. 

Well, finally the meet was brought to an end and I gathered my bag to make my exit. As I was going through the intricate maneuver of wearing my jacket I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around I saw Dee; she was captivatingly beautiful. Her fire-kissed hair fell in long locks just below her shoulders. Her milky white face had a cute dusting of freckles on her cheekbones. Her eyes had the dizziest emerald green that I had ever seen. I was hypnotized just like a snake dancing in front of its charmer. My brain had shut down and being incapable of any coherent speech, I stood there like a retard with one sleeve of my jacket on my left hand and the other hanging by my side. Dee flashed me a warm smile: 

"Cat got your tongue?" 

"What? No...I was just trying to wear this confounded jacket and it got all mixed up with my bag and..." 

"Would you care for a cup of coffee?" 

"Abso...yes...sure...will do...affirmative...Now?" 

"Now would be fine...unless of course you have something planned?" 

"No, no...now will be fine!" 

I was behaving worse than a schoolgirl with a crush. I mean what? I was a mature...eighteen year old? Who was I kidding here? She had me completely under her spell. It was Brittany all over again and I could recognize all the signals: heart pulse going haywire, loss of coherent speech, glance steeling, correction: devouring with eyes, stomach fluttering and yes, stars floating all around me. 

We walked to a nearby café in relative silence. Once there, she had a cappuccino and I had a cup of hot cocoa. 

"So...what's your story Jen?" 

"Well...you want chapter and verse or the abridged version?" 

"We've got time...chapter and verse will do fine." 

"Kay..." 

And that was it. We hit it as if we had known each other for ever. Dee was a very bright and intelligent person who was also very alive; despite being on an academic scholarship she still found time to go hiking, clubbing, go to concerts, and socialize with friends. When she spoke of her dreams and desires her eyes blazed with passion and her whole body became animated. I watched as she spoke and was lost in her image. 

"Earth calling Jennifer?" 

"Oh...yes...sorry...I got lost there somewhere..." 

Dee smiled fondly. Suddenly a lightbulb seemed to go off in her head and she beamed me a sunny smile. 

"Hey listen. There's this club I want to check out tonight, it's called Stereo but none of my lame friends want to join me. Would you want to join me?" 

"Uhhh...sure...I've never been to one before though..." 

"Super! You'll love it, it'll be wicked, I promise you! We'll have a great time! You'll see!" 

"Dee? What should I wear?" 

"Nothing..." 

My eyes widened with exclamation. I felt the blood rising to my cheeks and I felt hot under the collar. Until, that is, Dee nearly fell of her chair with laughter. She was nearly in tears from it when she managed to compose herself. 

"You...you should have seen your face in a mirror..." 

"Oh shove it! As if you're any better when you're blushing!" 

"No...but your face was one giant question mark of disbelief..." 

I feigned a pout and Dee was in stiches once more. Her jovial sentiment was contagious and soon we were collapsed against each other's shoulder in laughter. 

"Okay seriously now, back to your question. What to wear. Casual-smart should do just fine. A pair of jeans and a designer tee will do just fine. Or say a black spaghetti-strap top. Anything which is not totally everyday will do. You will want to be comfortable 'cause the idea is to dance once inside." 

"I guess I can do that, sure. So when do we meet?" 

"Well since you mentioned the RVC, that's closer to the club we're going so I guess tenish by your place should be OK?" 

"Okay, you've got yourself a deal! I'll be at the lobby at ten." 

We parted our ways to get ready for our night out and I felt as if I was walking on air. Once back in my room I set about to get ready for my...my date? Night out? Whatever it was, I wanted to look good! First, I paid a visit to the communal showers of our floor, where I took the time to shave my legs and armpits. Then once back in my room I decided to take a look at how the lawn looked. I did keep a full bush which I occasionally trimmed to the outline of my Speedos. Checking the area through my hand held mirror made me supremely horny for some reason, perhaps because I was preparing myself for a potential date, but I resisted all temptation and finished the job. 

Then there was a myriad of other decisions: Do I wear my glasses or do I go for contacts? Nah, better wear the contacts because glasses might get in the way. What should I wear underneath? Sexy or comfy? Definitely going for sexy this time and that means my silver thong. Do I wear a bra? No, I won't wear one! What's the point of having 32Bs if you can't go braless once in a while? But if I don't wear a bra, what do I wear on top so that I don't give the whole damned club a nipple show? Ah yes...I'll wear this black NIKE Tee...yes, the one with the pink "Just Do It" logo printed on it...Jeans...yes...the tight fitting ones. Shocks...black ones, check. Pink Air Max 95s, check. 

Satisfied with how I looked, I proceeded to apply some make-up; nothing too fancy mind you, just some pink lip-gloss, some eye-liner, a pinch of mascara and a hint of purplish eye-shadow. Checking at my watch, I realized that it was time to roll. 

Dee was waiting for me just outside the RVC's main entrance. She was wearing black cargo pants beneath her similarly colored jacket, mittens and ski cap. Her make-up was applied in such a way as to contrast with the whiteness of her skin and enhance the dazzling emerald green of her eyes. When she looked at me those eyes of hers were smoldering with fire. She was like a black orchid; beautiful to behold and yet dazzling and mysterious. 

"Hey..." 

"Hey yourself. You ready to dance sister?" 

"As ready as it gets..." 

"'kay...We're gonna party girl, because this is your first time and I intend to make the most of it!" 

Dee had a mischievous twinkle in her eye which sent shivers down my spine. She really did know how to turn up the heat when she wanted to. This was definitely going to be one interesting night. 

Stereo club was a massive dance floor with semi-amphitheatrical balconies overlooking the main scene. I could already hear the thumping of the music as we dutifully waited in line to get in. This was the first time I would be going to such a place and from the description that Dee had given me on the way, I was really looking forward to it. 

Once inside, the music was deafening; I could feel the bass as it reverberated through the floor to my whole body. Dee was in her element here and as soon as we got inside she started dancing right in front of me. Sensing my indecision, she grabbed me by the waist and started to gently gyrate to the rhythm. I was dumbstruck; this girl was pure magma, the fire had certainly kissed many more parts than her hair it would seem. Dee leaned towards me and shouted in my ear: 

"We should get a drink in you. You're too stiff!" 

"Okay...where do we do that?" 

"Follow me!" 

Holding my hand, Dee led us to one of the bars situated around the main floor. There, she ordered a small shaker of something she called "Tequila Sunrise". Filling up two shot glasses with this orange-red looking liquid, she handed one to me. "Bottoms up!" she said and instantly gunned her shot down. Well, here goes nothing...I lifted the shot glass to my lips, tilted back my neck as I had seen her do and swallowed the liquid in one gulp. Holy cow!! Although, the cocktail had been ice cold, the bittersweet tequila felt like fire, going down my throat. I blinked hard a couple of times and then gasped for breath. 

"So how was your first shot? Did you like it?" 

"Haaaaahhh...it felt like fire going down. But the taste was fine! There must have been some orange juice in there too, I reckon." 

"Another one?" 

"Sure!" 

The shaker produced ten shots, five for each. By the time I drunk the fifth one, I was a different person. Any inhibitions I might have had were washed away by the tequila. Dee was right in front of me, she was beyond beautiful and I wanted her. At that moment, I didn't give a fuck if anyone saw me or if anyone cared about what I did. 

We started dancing once more. I started swaying my hips to the beat, something which I would have never done had I been sober. I tried to imitate what Dee was doing, but my motor skills were not quite up to the task. Then, Dee did something which sent my blood pumping through my veins. Turning her back towards me, she rhythmically gyrated her butt all the while inching closer and closer to me. Making contact with my crotch didn't stop her, but instead she continued to grind her behind on me. Shivers went through my whole body and I could feel the heat radiating from within. Dee turned and mischievously looked me in the eye. I wanted her badly. My whole body screamed my desire for her. 

Not stopping our frenzied dance, I leaned forward grabbing her by the waist. I looked into her eyes and saw green fire and lust. The distance between us closed rapidly; we kissed and it was just like when lava meets ocean water. Our mouths parted, our tongues met. She hissed through her nose, as her tongue invaded my mouth. She tasted like orange and tequila; her saliva tasted liked nectar to my overloaded senses. We were treating the rest of people around us to one hell of show judging by the hoots in the background but at that moment, I couldn't care less. 

Breaking our kiss, we looked into each other's eyes. Dee leaned into my ear and hissed: "I want you...I want you like I've never wanted another girl before." We kissed once more. The feeling was like a thunderbolt striking through my very core and it created an almost scary, raw, animalistic desire within me. I wanted to touch her, grope her, devour her, eat her alive. "Dee...let's get out of here! NOW!" I shouted to her. Smiling wickedly, she grabbed my hand and we headed towards the exit, sloppily kissing as we made our way through throngs of people. 

Once out of the club, we kissed again on the sidewalk and it felt like we were on a deserted island and the rest of the world had vanished. Breaking our kiss, we opened our eyes. Our breathing was ragged and our breath vapors created a misty halo around us. I could see in her eyes a mixture of longing, lust, passion, fire and something deeper...was it love? "I want you" was a barely audible whisper that escaped her lips. I hugged her tightly and we resumed our kissing like there was no tomorrow. "Jen...Jen...Take me home please...or else I'll fucking tear your clothes off right now." 

Taking hold of her hand, I steered us back to my dorm. It wasn't the most discreet of places, especially on a Saturday night and I'm quite sure that we both looked disheveled and our faces were flushed. I did not care; Dee lived in a dorm which was further away than mine and that pretty much settled the argument. Racing through the lobby and the corridors, I did catch a few people with question marks on their faces; normally that would have hit all my panic buttons, but Dee holding my hand had a curious emancipating effect over me. More likely my brain was numb and overcharged with emotions and anticipation; at that moment nothing short of a nuclear bomb would stop me. 

With trembling hands I fumbled with my lock. Once inside we kissed passionately; there was an urgency in our kissing that filled the room with static. Off came our jackets and sweaters as we continued our sloppy kissing. I was left with my black tee and the pink "Just Do It" logo on it. 

"Are you suggesting something there?" 

"Oh...I dunno...maybe..." 

"And is that...You're not wearing a bra are you?" 

"Perhaps I forgot to wear one. Why don't we find out..." 

Dee didn't need to be told twice. I felt her fingers slowly grazing my flanks as she unhurriedly lifted the tee over my head. Once the garment was over my head, she threw it on my bed and took a step back. I was standing there in front of her with just my jeans and my shoes on. My nipples were already rock hard and begging for attention. 

"Well...they're a bit smallish..." 

"Hush...they're beautiful...you're beautiful..." 

She stood there taking me in as if trying to memorize every little detail of my body in her mind. Gingerly, she approached me once more. We kissed; deeply, unhurriedly and wholeheartedly. I tugged at her tee and she laughed in my mouth. Stepping back a bit, she took it off in one quick move. Dee was absolutely breathtaking; alabaster white skin with the cutest dusting of orange freckles. Her breasts were probably a full cup larger than mine and stood proudly within her powder blue lace bra. Her fire colored hair fell in locks around her head and down to her shoulders. Her lips were the lightest pink you could think of. But it was those eyes, those emerald eyes which invited you to get lost within their green sea. 

"You're...you're stunning! You're like a dream!" I whispered to her. My hands reached behind her back towards the clasp of her bra. Seconds later, the bra was flying towards my bed to meet the rest of our clothes. Her breasts were simply perfect; they were round and stood proud and firm with the right one being slightly larger than the left. She had the loveliest light pink nipples which were inverted. Noticing my eyes linger over them, Dee lowered her head. 

"They've always been like that...they're a bit weird..." 

"They're absolutely perfect. YOU...are absolutely perfect. There is nothing on you I'd like different." 

She embraced me and our breasts mashed together. "But Jen...you haven't see everything yet..." she whispered in my ear, sending delightful shivers down my spine. "How about we take these off and go and have a look then?" I retorted back.

Sinking to my knees, I begun to unbutton her cargo pants until they fell to her ankles. She wore a matching pair of lacy powder blue boy shorts panties. The material was sheer enough that I could see her orange colored pubic hair. Dee had a slim body type; she was tall and lean with round breasts and slender hips and shoulders. 

As my palms groped her butt, I discovered a delicious firm roundness there. I pushed her towards me until my nose made contact with her panty clad pubic hair. It was my first encounter with her heavenly scent. Inhaling deeply, I could see her whole body break into goose bumps as a visible shiver coursed her body. My hands roamed over her buttocks and inner thighs; Dee's breathing was becoming more and more audible as I continued my gentle ministrations. Slowly rising from me knees, I engraved her whole image in my mind. She was as beautiful as a dryad; mythical, mysterious and alluring. 

Holding hands with her and never breaking eye contact, we tiptoed towards my bed, were I reverently laid her body. Dee was biting her lower lip: "Please be gentle Jen...you're my first," she said in a hushed voice. Instead of an answer, I filled her face with tiny "butterfly" kisses. "Vulnerable you is so cute!" I said in her ear. She giggled and then broke in a genuine smile. 

Having lifted the tension, I proceeded with one goal in my mind: "I want to eat you until you scream!" Moving south of her neckline, I paid homage to her delightfully puffy nipples. I used all the weapons at my disposal; suckling, licking, light grazing with my teeth and occasionally, biting. Dee had her eyes closed while her hands were vigorously clutching the bed sheets. I could stay on her breasts and pay homage to them all day; everything there was like nectar to my senses. 

But this little bee (that's me!) had other flowers she wanted to visit. Leaving behind me a slippery path, I kissed my way downwards, past her belly button all the way to the waistband of her panties. Dee parted her legs on her own volition probably more than ready to move on to the next step. Not one to be so cavalierly pushed forward, I ignored her sopping, lace covered slit, when all I wanted at this point was to rip the fabric into tiny pieces and eat her dry. 

Instead, I planted wet, lazy kisses on the juncture of her thighs and torso. Dee was squirming like crazy, but I would have none of it. If this was her first time with another girl, I wanted to spoil her for eternity. Unhurriedly, I shifted my attention towards her core, gently lapping at her now sodden panties. "Please Jen..." Dee whimpered. "Please what?" I replied between languid licks of her thighs. "Oh God..." she croaked in reply. Smiling to myself and buoyed by the obvious pleasure she was experiencing, I decided to push things a bit further. 

Scrunching her panties to the side, I burrowed my mouth on her lushly covered outer lips and feasted on her copper colored carpet. Dee, just like me kept a full bush with the hair being trimmed on the sides. I noticed that the hair right next to her slit had a hint of blonde in it. It's amazing what little details your brain registers when your mouth is latched onto another girls genitals don't you think?